Love's Delusion Read online

  I shrugged. “I eat my feelings and I didn’t start off all that well here. Never really made any friends and was my class’s tech dork the bullies liked to pick on.”

  “I remember.” Xana cleared his throat and glanced at the apples. “I found several shoving you around and demanding you do their laundry, which you did.”

  “Yeah, but they didn’t ask me again after that.” My eyes went wide as it hit me. “What did you do?”

  “Dude, were those the pre-trans you hung up from their feet and got nailed by Alexander for?” Jeston snickered, shaking his head. “I thought his head was going to pop off he turned so red when he found them the next morning. It was pretty cold out that night.”

  “They stopped bullying everyone after getting a taste of their own medicine,” Xana muttered. “It was worth the reprimand.”

  “I wish you had told me,” I muttered as I slid off the stool. I walked over to him and moved so I was directly in his gaze. “Do you like the apple butter that’s served sometimes? Manny says some people have been asking for it. That’s what I was going to make and some apple pancakes. Does that sound good?”

  “That sounds great,” he agreed, staring in my eyes as I rested my hands on his chest. “And I was one of the people asking for the apple butter. I adore that stuff. I didn’t know you made it. Can I help? That sounds like a great way to have a relaxing day off.”

  I totally agreed but I had a feeling he was just saying that for me. “You don’t mind?”

  “Not at all as long as I get an extra jar for my room. I’m selfish like that.” He shot me a wink before leaning down and brushing his lips over mine.

  And I felt the sparks. It was more like a zing that ran throughout me but I loved it.

  “I think you can get your own batch after you saved me from the bullies if you replace Manny’s apples,” I whispered against his lips. “I didn’t think I’d make it through my training with them around.”

  “The trainer back then was a dick. I didn’t like how he ran the program and he did a good job of hiding the hazing from Alexander. I should have said something sooner but I like to stay below the radar. When I saw what they were doing to you, it ate at me that I could have prevented it if I’d just opened my mouth. I should have done something, it was my responsibility to. Don’t reward me for finally doing my duty.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Jeston muttered. “I remember the old trainer. We all hated him. I wouldn’t have wanted to go up against him either if I’d seen anything. He was ranked second. Hell, I think we all avoided any of it just so we never saw anything to report. I know I wasn’t the only one grateful when Dimitri took over. This is a camp to be proud of now instead of a douche-producing camp.”

  “Amen to that,” Manny chuckled.

  I cleared my throat when I realized Xana was uncomfortable being in the spotlight. “So, apple pancakes?”

  “Yeah, I’ll help.” He smiled at me before moving over to wash his hands.

  See, I could pay attention sometimes.

  Okay, rarely, but it wasn’t as if I did it intentionally.

  I ended up making apple pancakes for Manny and Jeston as well since it was a nice break from burgers-and-fries normal even if it was lunch. Then I showed Xana how to help me and went to work making batch after batch after batch of apple butter in all the huge slow cookers Manny pulled out. I think he saw I needed a project. When we were done, it was actually dinner time.

  “Xana likes seafood,” Manny muttered to me quietly as he handed me a bag of something. I checked, smiling when I saw it was some fresh frozen scallops.

  Yeah, I could work with that. I hurried to sauté those while Manny showed Xana how to sanitize the large storage jars he reused from stuff bought in bulk. Then I made some alfredo sauce before snagging some pasta from Jeston’s pile.

  “That’s gonna cost you,” he murmured, moving up closer to me but keeping a respectful distance. I shot him an unfriendly look and he frowned. “I was just teasing you. I’m sorry I came on so strong. I was trying to be subtle. I didn’t know you were with Xana and I wanted you to know I like you.”

  “Okay, now I know.” I moved away but he followed me. He didn’t say anything though, simply watching me as I tossed everything together. “What?”

  “That’s all you’re going to say? Now you know? Not exactly polite, Gilroy.”

  “Maybe not, but I don’t know what else to say, so I’m sorry, that’s all I have for you besides asking you not corner me like that again.”

  “So you’re picking Xana?”

  “I didn’t realize it was a competition,” I snapped, setting down the pot of dinner harder than I needed to. Xana and Manny glanced over at us, frowning, and I took a few deep breaths. “Xana and I aren’t together, together. I feel something for him but now isn’t the time to start anything so he agreed to give me space and time. That’s what I need.”

  “Yeah, okay,” he sighed, scrubbing his hand over his head. “I just can’t understand that after he tried to kill you.” He spun away and it felt like a slap to the face along with his words.

  That was the only hiccup to the otherwise calm, uneventful, relaxing day that I truly enjoyed. Xana was patient, mellow, and interested in trying new things… Basically someone well-suited for me even if it was just as a friend because I was only the last of those. I was impatient, pretty high-strung, and antsy most of the time.

  But then again I dealt with computers mostly and systems so my only adversary was virtual and it was okay to be like that given those situations—at least in my mind.

  It was later that night that everything took a complete turn.

  I was just starting to fall asleep when Xana’s large hand pushed my leg up to my chest. “Time to collect.”

  “What?” I gasped, looking over my shoulder and going to scoot away. He pinned down my hips to keep me where I was as he pulled back the covers and I saw he was naked and ready.

  Xana shot me a smirk, his eyes filled with heat as he stared over my body. “You didn’t think there wasn’t a price to my protection, did you? I saved you from the demons who wanted you and the demons inside you that still scare you, baby, but that makes you, and this body, mine and I’m in need of it.”

  He plunged inside me and I must have been asleep and missed him getting me ready because there was burn because he was huge, but nothing as if I’d not been stretched or dry. Xana moved over me, trapping me on my side as he kissed my neck, pounding into me.

  “Oh yeah, totally mine. I knew your ass would be this good, feel this good around me.”

  I only moaned in response, never having felt anything like what I was being with him. It was amazing. I came so hard I thought my cock might explode and then…

  I sat up, panting, my spent dick in my hand, blinking around the room. Glancing down, I saw Xana wasn’t over me but next to me on his side of the bed. I’d pushed down the sheets but I still had my boxer briefs on.

  I’d been dreaming. I’d jacked off in my sleep I’d been so turned on by it. I flopped back to the bed with a huff, wiping my hand off on my shorts, and then looking over at Xana’s sleeping form. As crazy as it sounded, I wanted him to see what I had been dreaming about and had gotten me so hot and bothered.

  After a few minutes of debate, I rolled over and touched his temple with my fingers, ready to use my gift and project my dream into his mind so he could see it.

  Instead I was able to see his dream which was something I’d never been able to do before.

  My head bobbed up and down on his cock, faster and faster as Xana’s big hand ran through my hair lovingly. I could feel how much he adored staring into my tan eyes while I blew him to thank him for another night of restful sleep because I was in his arms. He came with a roar of my name and I watched myself greedily swallow it all down before pulling off his cock with a smile and then crawling up his body.

  “How do you want me, my giant?”

  He sat up and cupped my ass, making s
ure I was on his lap and about to take his cock in me. “Everyone else calls me that and it hurts. You say it and it warms my heart. Why? Why is it you can always heal or hurt me, baby?”

  “Because you love me,” I whispered as I impatiently lowered myself onto his cock. “You’ve always loved me, my giant. People treat you like a beast almost and you saw me and immediately thought me your beauty before I was even really a man. I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner and we missed all this time being together.”

  “You were worth the wait. We were. This was,” he murmured before rolling us over and screwing my brains out in the most loving, passionate, and oh my god kind of way that almost had me creaming again.

  And then I was back. The dream was over and I was thrown out of his mind… Only to meet his open, pissed off gaze.

  “Get out,” he rasped, his eyes changing to hurt and rage all in one.

  “No, Xana, please, I’m sorry,” I begged, thrown by what I’d seen and that I could even do it. He started to sit up, and without thinking, I threw myself on top of him. “I wanted to show you my dream. I don’t know what happened. I’ve never done that before and I didn’t know how to break the connection.”

  He was shaking his head and shut down from me, so I did the only thing I could think of, quickly grabbing his hand and pushing it down my boxer briefs. Xana’s gaze shot to mine and he snarled. “You’re better than being cheap and using your body to get out of shit you start.”

  “No, feel I’m still wet,” I muttered, closing my eyes, mortified to admit that and hear his accusation. “I jacked off in my sleep. I’m trying to prove what I’m saying is true. The dream I had was so real, so amazing, I tugged the monkey right in bed with you, thinking it was real, and woke up when I came. I wanted to show you. I don’t know what happened after that. I swear it.”

  “What was the dream?” he demanded, not taking his hand out of my shorts. My cheeks flushed so fast I swear I was about to pass out. “Tell me or get out. You say you didn’t mean to invade my mind, then start talking, Gilroy.”

  My eyes snapped open. “You jumped me,” I blurted as I leaned my hands back on his thighs. “You crawled into bed with me from behind like we’ve been sleeping, shoved my leg up, and said it was time to pay for your rescue and protection, or keeping me safe.”

  “I would never—”

  “I know.”

  “So you wanted to show me that?” he seethed. “To what end?”

  “I creamed myself, remember?” I muttered, glancing away. His hand twitched in my shorts and then squeezed my junk. I moaned and started to get hard.

  “What next?” His voice shook and that was the only reason I was bold enough to answer.

  “You said I was yours and you needed me. You shoved your cock into me and I loved it, we loved it. You said I was perfect and you screwed me better than I ever have been before. I wanted it. Wanted to pay you in every way. I was willing, Xana. It was like role-playing kinky.”

  “You want me to take charge,” he growled, not making it a question. “Your dream tells me that. You have too much on your plate, on your mind, and you want someone else you trust to make the decisions.”

  I blinked at him a moment and then slowly nodded. I hadn’t thought of that but he was right. When he had said in the shower the other day he had a plan that was all I wanted to hear—someone else knew what to do.

  “And my dream? What of what you saw?” he demanded as his fingers moved up to my hole.

  I licked my lips and realized this was one of those now or never moments. He’d been too exposed and felt raw after what I’d seen. I could make or break us with my answer.

  Better make it good.

  I crab walked away from him, his hand down my shorts yanking them off me. He simply stared at me, taking in my naked body as I moved further and laid out on the bed. I stretched a bit, letting him see every inch of me before rolling onto my stomach and pushing up my ass while looking at him.

  “If you want me to suck your cock to show you I appreciate you first before you fuck me, I love that scenario too. But I’m pretty sure making you dinner and apple butter did that. Either way, I like the idea of deferring to you and I’m just really wound up after seeing both our dreams.”

  “You temptress,” he growled as he watched me stretch out some more. Which deflated my boldness and I reached for the edge of the bed. “Don’t you dare stop. I want more of this show.”

  “Oh, okay.” I glanced up at his eyes, gasping when I saw not only heat but something wild in them. “How come I couldn’t project my dream to you? I’ve never had that happen before.”

  “Spread your legs wide for me and finger your hole and I’ll tell you,” he instructed, tossing a bottle of lube at my hip. I did as he asked, making sure I was facing him. “Moan.”

  Well that wasn’t hard to comply with since I was biting my lip to keep quiet. I let my head fall back to the bed and gave him what he wanted. Then I gasped when the bed shifted and my fingers weren’t alone.

  “Look at me,” Xana ordered. I blinked up at him, taking in how my foot was on his chest, my hips off the bed as he knelt there staring at me. “Why do you want this? Why now?”

  “I’m not confused,” I blurted, going with the first thing on my mind. “I like you and you wouldn’t hurt me. You just want me and nothing more, nothing from me. This isn’t a game to you.”

  He stared at me a moment before nodding. “Nor you.” Then he shoved two fingers deep in me and I screamed in pleasure. Jesus, even his fingers were huge.

  “Stretch me out, my giant,” I begged, not even realizing what I’d said until he stopped. Then I swallowed loudly and tried to figure out what was in his eyes, swirling there, unreadable to me. “No good?”

  “I want to fuck you even more now than before, but you’ve pushed me too far. I don’t know I can give you gentle and you need gentle.”

  I gave a one-shoulder shrug. “My dream says otherwise. All I know is I need you. I want you.”

  It must have been the right thing to say because his fingers started moving again, faster than before, and drove me insane. He made me come like nothing, knowing exactly where to touch and how to play my body. I was basically a pile of mush when I was done… But he wasn’t done with me. He flipped me over and pulled me up onto all fours before moving over me. Then he plunged into me slowly, kissing my neck.

  “Not like this,” I choked out, hanging my head, every muscle in me freezing even. “Everyone always takes me like this from challenge sex. I only had different with Winston. I want new memories and something real with you. Not only to be mounted and screwed like I could be any piece of ass. Please?”

  “God, I’m so sorry, baby. I should have thought of that,” he whispered so gently I knew it upset him that he hadn’t realized that himself. I didn’t blame him though since it wasn’t like we had a lot of blood left in our brains. “I just figured this would be easier because of how big I am. How do you want it?”

  “How do you want me?” I muttered, giving another shrug. I didn’t know the answer. I wanted whatever he did, to be wanted how he wanted me… Not that I made much sense on that. But I understood in my heart.

  He pulled out of me. “I want to see your eyes, your lips, your expressions as I please you.” I nodded and rolled over, watching as he sat back on his feet, unsure of what to do. Then he leaned over and grabbed my hips, dragging me to him. He spread his legs and pulled me onto his cock. I cried out as I arched my back, loving the invasion of him. “So much better.”

  “Yeah,” I moaned, spreading my arms wide for balance as I moved my feet flat on the bed for leverage. He was so strong that it was like nothing for him to lift me however he wanted, basically leaving me to hold on for the ride as he screwed me with such passion, such need it made what I’d thought I’d had with Winston seem cheap, fake even.

  But I wanted more. I folded myself up, grabbing onto his arms and climbing up his body even as he never stopped moving me—which wasn’t easy
on my part. He simply studied me as if unsure of what I was up to. Then I kissed him and he understood what I needed from him. I cupped his head and devoured his lips as he bounced me on his cock, driving us both insane.

  “I’m gonna,” I warned when it was time.

  “Do it, come all over me,” he growled.

  I shook my head. “I don’t want it to end yet. This is perfect.”

  His eyes filled with something I’d never seen before as he slowed down a bit. “We will have this again, right? This wasn’t a one-time thing?”

  “Not for me,” I murmured, staring into his eyes. “I don’t want it to be.”

  “Then it won’t be. We’ll have it again. Come for me, baby. Come for your giant.” I shivered at the need in his words as he yanked me down onto his cock even harder. I buried my face against his neck and cried out his name as I came all over us, my body convulsing around his. He followed me right over, filling me with so much cum it leaked right back out of me, getting all over my ass and his groin.

  It was so sinfully nasty I wanted to go again but his dick was too big after my lack of experience besides my crazy few days with Winston—who was not a well-endowed man.

  We made out for several minutes, gasping and panting together as I sat on his still-hard cock. Then he leaned his forehead against mine and took a few deep breaths. “My gift prevented you from showing me your dream. I’m impenetrable.”

  “So gifts don’t work on you. You’re impervious.” I nodded, leaning back and staring at him.

  “Sure, we’ll go with that for now.” I raised an eyebrow at that but he only shook his head. “I don’t tell people because it freaks them out and I’ve only ever showed a few people so it’s your turn to be patient with me. People already think I’m a dumb giant. Look how I assumed you were a Zakasac and almost killed you.” I flinched and pulled away, hissing when his cock yanked out of me at a bad angle. “I’m sorry but we can’t pretend that didn’t happen.”