Love's Distance Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  1

  2 Bowie

  3 Bowie

  4

  5 Bowie

  6

  7 Bowie

  8

  9

  10 Bowie

  Sneak Peek: Love’s Delusion

  Find A New Series To Love…

  Or A Different Genre…

  Sneak Peek: The Transition

  About the Author

  Other Titles by Flynn Eire

  A Supernatural Script Inc. Book

  Camp medic, Sam Gatewood, had feelings for a blond-haired pre-trans, even though he knew better. Inexplicably drawn to Bowie Shade, Sam helped him years ago, in his time of need, but when Bowie attempted to take things further, he told him they should wait until after Bowie’s transition to warrior, that some distance will put the line they almost crossed into perspective.

  But the feelings never went away.

  Bowie took his hurt heart and devoted his energies to his warrior training, giving himself some distance from thoughts of Sam. Unfortunately, one of his first assignments outside the camp puts him directly in Sam’s path—the only man he has ever wanted. But maybe during a mission isn’t the best time to have the discussion about how they feel… What could possibly go wrong?

  Even though absence is said to make the heart grow fonder, it doesn’t for Sam and Bowie. Will they learn to get on the same wavelength and look beyond hurt feelings, or will the distance between them grow past where they can reach for each other?

  1

  A Few Years Ago

  I felt it before I saw or heard anything—that gut-wrenching empathy that tore through me when someone hurt near me. It was my gift, or curse, depending on how people looked at it. I glanced up from the book I was reading as I walked from the main building to the warriors’ dorms in time to see a flash of blond hair before the figure was gone again, the pain definitely coming from them.

  As always I was like a moth to a flame, their pain almost a compulsion I couldn’t avoid. I followed it, wanting to help, needing to the moment I felt it.

  How could I not?

  I jogged in the direction the figure had headed, picking up its scent and then realizing it had to be a guy, of course, there were only men at this camp. So where was he headed? It took me a few minutes to track him down in the woods. I found the pre-trans huddled against a tree, crying softly as he shivered from the fast chilling night.

  It didn’t help he wasn’t wearing a shirt, his blond hair was soaked, and he was only in running shorts and flip-flops.

  What the hell is going on? “You shouldn’t be out here all alone,” I said gently, letting him know I was there. He gasped as his head snapped up, his golden eyes wide as saucers when he recognized me. The pre-trans took a step away and tripped over something in the brush. I darted forward and caught him with one arm around his waist before he landed, swallowing loudly as I stared into his still tear-filled eyes.

  It just had to be this pre-trans—the one I couldn’t get out of my head since I’d met him a few weeks ago when I’d given him his arrival-day physical… If it could even be called that.

  “Bowie, right?” He nodded. “Bowie, what happened?” His cheeks flushed so fast I thought he might pass out, so I gave him an understanding smile. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. Let’s get you back to the dorms.”

  “No, I don’t want to go back there,” he whimpered, his soft voice sending shivers through my body. “Please don’t make me go back.”

  I thought about it a moment and nodded. “Okay, but only if you tell me what happened. I can’t help you otherwise.”

  He nibbled on his plump lower lip, and I felt my body go hard in all the most inappropriate places. “Some of the other pre-trans caught me jerking off in the shower so they decided to teach me a lesson.”

  “What kind of lesson?” I growled, my heart racing even as my skin went cold. “I know they hurt you. I can feel it.”

  “They cut me, that’s all,” he muttered, looking away so fast that I was shocked his nose didn’t grow he was so obviously lying.

  “Where? Let me see.”

  “No, please,” Bowie whispered as he reached down and covered one side of his ass, telling me exactly where they’d cut him. “It’s humiliating.”

  “Why? If it’s just a cut, Bowie…” I trailed off, letting him understand there was no way out of telling me the truth at this point.

  He hung his head in shame and took in a shaky breath. “I was saying a name, I guess. I didn’t realize it, but they heard me. They cut the name into me. Please. It will heal. Don’t look or tell.”

  “Oh, Bowie,” I breathed, hugging him and kissing his hair. He was so little compared to me. That would change of course, after his transition, but at the five-four he was then to my six-three, he was a shrimp.

  Which made it so weird that I was drawn to him. I never went for such small men. I think that was why he confounded me so much.

  “I won’t tell, but I can’t leave you hurting,” I murmured as I knelt down. “For one, it hurts me because of my gift. Two, I’m not just the camp’s medic, I’m a full human doctor, Bowie, and as such, I know, because you heal human slow until you transition, it could get infected and all kinds of things. I won’t tell, okay? I swear I’ll keep this between us.”

  “No, please,” he whispered, shaking as I reached for the bottoms of his shorts, thinking it was better to push up the leg than to pull them down. “Sam, please, don’t.” His hands shoved at mine desperately, but I was easily able to grab both in my one.

  “Bowie, it’s okay. This isn’t your fault.” I realized I’d better just get this over with or he was going to fight me healing him and make this worse. Sure enough, he tried to get away so I hurried to yank up and see the name just so he’d stop… And froze.

  “Sam? Sam, let me go,” Bowie begged, and I realized he’d been talking for a while, that it wasn’t the first time he’d asked.

  I released his wrists and moved my hand to his hip so he couldn’t run. “Bowie, they carved Sam into your butt.”

  “I know, I was there,” he snapped, trying to get away. I moved my other hand to his hip and kept him still.

  “You were thinking about me?” I rasped, staring up at him. He wouldn’t answer, his cheeks flushed as tears soaked his lashes. I caught on to how embarrassed he was and that we wouldn’t settle anything like this so I made a snap decision. I swooped him up into my arms, grabbed my stuff I’d dropped, and carried him off.

  He was freezing after all. I should have done it sooner.

  “What are you doing?” Bowie whispered, his eyes wide again, no longer struggling.

  “Taking you back to my room.” His breath hitched and I realized how bad that sounded. “I want to heal you properly and you asked me not to send you back to the dorms. You can’t stay out in the woods all night, Bowie.”

  “Are you mad at me?” he asked after a few moments.

  “No, of course not,” I assured him gently and kissed his cheek. The little imp turned his head when I pulled away and planted one on my lips. “Bowie, don’t.”

  His face fell. “Of course. Right, sorry, who wants a scrawny pre-trans?”

  “If that scrawny pre-trans is you, I do,” I admitted, his eyes lighting up. “But I won’t get involved with a pre-trans. Not ever. We change too much after our transition, become completely different people sometimes. I did. So no matter how much I want to take you to my bed and do all kinds of things to you, I won’t, because it could break both our hearts in the end. Do you understand?”

  He nodded, nibbling on his lower lip again. We were both quiet the rest of the trip to my room, but once we were inside and I set him on my b
ed, he took my hand. “Is it normal for pre-trans to keep fantasizing about you after you examine them?”

  I swallowed loudly, hating to admit how many lines I’d crossed. “Bowie, I didn’t give you a normal exam.” It was my turn to hang my head as shame filled me. “What I did was wrong. I was supposed to give you a normal prostate exam, but when you responded the way you did, I kept going for a bit.”

  “I wish you had kept going until I’d come,” he giggled. “That’s what I fantasize about. It was awesome.”

  I shook my head. “All the years I’ve been examining pre-trans never have I behaved like that. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. It just happened and then—”

  “You stopped. It’s okay, Sam. I was willing,” Bowie whispered, getting I was seriously upset about it. “I won’t bring it up again or ever tell anyone. It was just a fantasy.”

  I smiled at him as I leaned up and kissed his cheek. “You should come knock on my door after you transition.”

  “I promise.” He shivered.

  I pulled up his shorts again, hating that he was hurt but loving my name on his ass all at the same time. How twisted and wrong was that? Was I going to have a nice stay in hell or what?

  It was so much worse licking the wound, my hands on his soft skin, listening to his moans. I’m not sure how, but it took every ounce of self-control I had to tuck him into my bed when it was over and sleep on the other side from him, making sure I didn’t wrap myself around him like I wanted to.

  And god did I want to.

  When I woke the next morning, he was gone as if the whole thing had been a dream. Sometimes I still wondered if it had been, because Bowie was so perfect he didn’t even seem real.

  2 Bowie

  I was small again. It was how the dream always started. Small and scared out of my mind. My parents had just dropped me off, and I was surrounded by strangers talking about me as if I were the new printer that had arrived for the office or something else not alive. Or god forbid, with feelings who was scared.

  But I was twenty-four and a warrior-to-be, I wasn’t supposed to get scared. I knew that.

  Yeah right.

  And then the man with the violet eyes came into the room and took my file from another warrior. When his eyes locked with mine, butterflies filled my stomach like something out of a romance movie, and I gripped the chair I was sitting in so hard the plastic dug into my hands.

  “Bowie Shade, I’m Lasam Gatewood, but everyone calls me Sam,” he introduced as he walked over to me. “I’m the camp’s medic and doctor. I’ll be giving you your physical today.”

  I felt my eyes go wide as my heart did cartwheels in my chest. “You’re going to see me naked?” I wanted to die when the other two warriors snickered, but Sam shot them an evil glance before looking back at me with kind eyes.

  “Yes, that’s normally how a physical works, but I won’t tell anyone how huge you are or anything.” He shot me a wink. “I keep everyone’s secrets around here.” He gestured for me to get up. “Come on and follow me.”

  Somehow I did, my legs feeling like jelly the whole time. We walked to the infirmary which was like the one at the coven I’d been raised at. Then he led me into a small exam room and gave me a gown before asking me to change into that and slipping out of the room. I hurried to do it, not wanting to be mid-change when he came back in.

  I felt tiny sitting on the exam table, waiting for him, like a kid again, swinging my feet. When he did walk back in, I sat up straight and folded my hands in my lap as if somehow that would make me look older, more mature or something.

  Sam didn’t seem to notice though, sticking to the business at hand. He sat on a rolling stool and asked me question after question about my family, my health, anything they’d need to know now that I was in the camp’s care. I answered everything as best as I could, flinching when he stood and looked at me.

  “Jumpy?” he chuckled, setting down the file.

  “Sorry, you don’t look anything like our coven’s doctor,” I muttered, staring down at my hands.

  “Oh? Are you saying I don’t look qualified?” he pushed as he moved his stethoscope to his ears and then the other end to my back. “Deep breath in.”

  Again I wanted to melt. How did I get out of this one without sounding like a goober? “No, of course you do. He’s just, not huge.” Then I thought of something else I could add that was true but not too leading to how I was exactly feeling. “Or as nice.”

  “Well thank you, Bowie. Most patients I get are bitching at me because I’m ordering them to stay in bed. Damn warriors think they’re invincible most times and never listen to us here. I like the nice patients too.”

  “I promise to always be good,” I breathed as he leaned in, smelling strongly of cinnamon and vanilla. I realized then they were my favorite scents… When they were together—on him.

  “I’ll hold you to that,” he chuckled. He listened to my heart, lungs, did some other things. My cheeks flushed when he found my ticklish spots, but he was professional about it and acted like nothing happened.

  Then came the awkward part that made me want to melt.

  “Have you ever had anal sex?”

  All the air left my lungs in one shot. “What?”

  Sam glanced up at me with understanding in his eyes. “Bowie, we’re not judgmental here. Some of us are gay, some are straight. I don’t care and I won’t tell. I just need to know because I’m going to check your prostate, and if you’ve engaged in anal sex, I need to know as part of your physical.”

  “Have you?” I snapped, still completely humiliated we were talking about this, and glancing away.

  “Yes, lots of times,” he chuckled. My head came up so fast I almost fell off the table. His eyes filled with understanding. “Your parents don’t know you’re gay, do they?” I shook my head. “Would they approve?” I shook my head again, harder this time. “Then that’s between them and you, Bowie. You’re an adult now and not under their responsibility. I’m not going to call them up and tell them, okay? I just need to check everything’s working as it should be.”

  “I’m a virgin,” I heard myself saying, much to my own mortification, in front of this god of a man. He was gorgeous and to admit I was some twerpy dork who’d never been touched made me want to curl over and stab myself with a fork because I was pretty much done.

  “I was at your age too,” Sam admitted gently. “Okay, so lie back. I’m just going to poke around a bit, make sure everything feels typical. I know it seems weird and you normally hear about middle-aged human men getting prostate exams, but if we don’t make sure everything is as it should be before we transition, things can go badly turning. So we’ll have another one of these meetings right before your twenty-fifth birthday.”

  “Got it.” I did as he wanted, taking a few deep breaths. I jumped when his hand touched my ankle and he placed it in some stirrup that folded out from the table. I tried not to think about the movie I’d seen where the chick went to the OBGYN and the same thing happened there. That was too mortifying.

  Besides, I was too stuck on the fact the hottest man I’d ever seen was going to be touching me everywhere intimate because he had to for his job and I didn’t even get a chance to check if I was trimmed and neat down there.

  Oh kill me now.

  “You’re going to feel pressure,” Sam murmured. His slicked-up gloved finger pushed into my hole and my nerve endings came alive.

  And so did I. Gone was the exam room and stupid gown in my mind. One touch from Sam and we were anywhere else, together. I moaned as my dick filled and I moved my hips.

  “Does it hurt?” Sam whispered, before clearing his throat.

  “No,” I groaned, letting my legs fall further apart as I slid down the table more. “God no.” His finger went in deeper, and I thought I was going to go insane. Then he touched something inside me, and I just about came apart. I slid my hands down my chest and pulled up my gown, wanting to touch myself.

  But instead
a big hand took them in his. My eyes snapped open, and I met Sam’s violet ones. “Don’t forget where you are or what we’re doing.” I nodded and bit my lip as he rubbed that place inside me again.

  “Is the exam done?”

  “Yes,” he rasped, staring at me in a weird way… But then he moved his finger over that spot again and again. Why was he doing that if the exam was done? Did he like this too?

  Or did he just want me to understand my body a bit better? I didn’t know. My brain was melted.

  “Sam, I’m gonna come,” I announced as I got close.

  “What—huh?” he sputtered, snapping out of his dazed look. He yanked his finger out of me and stood up, releasing my hands. “Um, yeah, you’re fine. Excuse me a moment.” He snapped off his glove and bolted out of the room without another word.

  And I was left hard, wanting, and confused.

  I thought I had figured things out that night he’d found me in the woods and had taken care of me. But my dream never went there because that was a good night. Oh no, it went to after my transition. Sam had been out on an assignment so he hadn’t been in the infirmary when I had. The moment I’d woken up from the medically induced coma and Matteo had given me the all clear to go get some bed rest in my own room, I’d nodded and left.

  And headed right for Sam’s room instead. It was time. I had transitioned. I still felt like me and all I wanted was him.

  What happened haunted my dreams every night though.

  I knocked on the door, smiling and ready for him to see the new me, scared and excited because I was huge. Still needing to fill in of course, but yeah, I’d shot up to six-seven so that was a big jump.

  Sam opened the door, rubbing his eyes because I’d obviously woken him up and then blinked at me.

  Frowning.

  “Bowie?” he gasped.

  “Yeah, it’s me, Sam,” I answered, not used to the deep voice.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You said to come by after I transitioned,” I hedged, my stomach turning sour. This wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.