Love's Delusion Read online

  “Maybe I do.” He swallowed loud and worried his lip. “Why did you leave, Xana?”

  “I saw all I could have cost you,” I rasped, turning away and walking over to the windows. “You’ve come so far so fast to get over what happened to you. I’m in awe of how you’ve worked with Cadric to get through what that monster did to you and here you are bringing this journal, talking about being relieved that the bond affected him as well because you don’t feel so violated and you sound so logical, so put together.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?” he hedged.

  “No, it’s amazing. You’re amazing and I almost took you from the world.” I stared out at the distance, unable to look at him right then. It hurt my heart too much to think about what I’d done, jumping the gun that night and assuming he’d been the enemy. All the signs had been there, but if I’d just stopped for a moment to think, to process instead of reacting with my injured heart, I would have seen what had been going on.

  “You have to forgive yourself for that, Xana. I have and I should be the only one who has the right to be upset about that.”

  “You know it’s not that simple,” I muttered, narrowing my eyes when something caught my attention. “I’m trying to move past it—we both are. I know that. It happened to you and you’re doing a better job of it. That’s my point. You’re amazing and—get down.”

  “I’m amazing and get down?”

  “No, get down, I think there’s someone out there,” I growled, waving back at him. I hunched over as well, hitting the lights for the tower so it didn’t mess with my night vision. The second I did, I saw them.

  Hundreds of them.

  “My god,” I whispered in horror. I reached over and hit the alarm before picking up the phone to the command center. “We have at least a few hundred Zakasacs approaching on foot about twenty miles off the front gate.”

  “We have nothing on the monitors,” Tadzio informed me.

  “They’re just outside the line. Call everyone and start emergency lockdown procedures.”

  “Xana, we need to investigate. If you’re wrong—”

  “I’m not.” I hung up and texted our top ranks to call for any reinforcements we could get as quick as we could because we were about to be invaded.

  “I don’t see anything,” Gilroy whispered from beside me, peaking over the console and out the windows.

  “You’re still young. You can see, what? Several miles?” I muttered as I hit send on the message.

  “Yeah, probably.”

  I glanced up just in time to see something approaching the glass and tackled Gilroy to the floor. The windows shattered and a box landed a few feet away from us.

  And then started ringing.

  Gilroy and I sat up and exchanged a look before I opened the box, took out the cell phone, and answered. “What, we weren’t listed in the phone book?”

  “Oh, I like you,” a voice snarky male chuckled on the other end of the line. “You saw us a little earlier than expected, warrior. We’re here for the experiment. Give him to us and we’ll leave, no one else need get hurt, not you or your warrior friends or all those baby warriors-to-be. If you saw us, you know how many we have and how quickly we’ll kill you all.”

  I saw Gilroy’s face pale and took his hand. “I’m not in charge. You know I can’t make that call. I’ll take your demand to the person in charge.”

  “Or you’re stalling,” he snarled.

  “Wouldn’t you?” I drawled. “Either way, I’m just the guy on guard duty. Do your guards have the authority to make those kind of deals for you?”

  There was a pause, and I worried I was blowing the only chance we had to get some much needed time before they attacked… Because there was no way we were giving up Gilroy. “No, no they don’t. You have one hour.”

  The line went dead and I dropped the phone.

  “Give me to them,” Gilroy whispered, shaking as he stared at the phone like a snake.

  “No,” I growled and realized I wasn’t the only one. I glanced up to see Helios and Alexander stepping off the elevator. I quickly filled them in, pointing out our guests just past our sensors.

  “My life is not worth the dozens here,” Gilroy rasped, lowering his head to his knees as he still sat on the floor.

  “Don’t be stupid,” Helios snapped. “They’re not going to let any of us go. They don’t know who the experiment is because we killed all the Zakasacs at the compound, and we have the journal, otherwise they would have known enough about you to find out your name, Gilroy.”

  Yeah, I’d figured that one out too. “He’s right. We’re fighting no matter what, baby, so get your head in the game. The question is whether they know if their blood works on unmated warriors or they think it’s just warriors or what, because all the pre-trans are just fish in a barrel, waiting to be their slaves once they transition then.”

  “Oh god,” Gilroy whispered in horror. That seemed to snap him out of it. He dove for his bag and pulled out his cell, quickly hitting a few buttons. “Yeah, it’s me. Get the drones ready. I have an idea. I want to retrofit them for the emergency fire protocols.”

  “We don’t have any fires, Gilroy,” Rune muttered, sounding annoyed.

  “No, I want to start them. We fit them with gas cans and dump them on our friends then light them up.”

  I glanced between Helios and Alexander, smiling widely. That was my man.

  “Oh, he’s good,” Helios chuckled.

  “Get here and let’s do it,” Rune agreed.

  “How much time before help arrives?” I asked as we loaded up in the elevator.

  “The closest Wyrok backup that will be of any real help against this many Zakasacs is about an hour out by helicopter,” Helios answered as he pushed the button for the ground floor.

  “Wow, so if they delay at all or our guests know we’re not complying, then we’re totally screwed,” Gilroy muttered, looking ready to shit a brick.

  Yeah, I didn’t find that all that reassuring either.

  “I called while racing up here. They were already getting people together,” Helios told us, frowning as well.

  That wasn’t really all that comforting but it wasn’t like we had a choice.

  When we reached the command center, everyone was racing around, preparing for battle. I walked over to the maps of the camp and yanked out the one of the main gates and surrounding areas. “How accurate are those drones?”

  No one answered. I glanced up and realized I was going to be ignored and dismissed like normal.

  That would be a big mistake.

  “Alexander!” I bellowed, slamming my fist on the table. “How accurate are those drones?”

  “Xana, we don’t have time for—” Helios started, but Alexander waved him off.

  “My friend, they won’t understand given what you’ve been hiding,” he said gently. I growled before glancing around and finding a lighter amongst some emergency supplies left out on another table. I picked it up and flicked it.

  “Xana, no!” Gilroy called out as I held it up to my arm.

  “It’s fine, baby,” I assured him. I kept it there and stared down Helios. “I’m impenetrable. I can’t be hurt.”

  “But I’ve touched you, been intimate with you,” Gilroy whispered, moving closer. “You’re soft when I touch you.”

  “It’s a blood pressure thing,” I muttered, hating that everyone was staring now. “It’s when I get riled up, like when Helios was standing between me and Jeston, smirking at me. It doesn’t matter that he’s Wyrok, I’m as strong as metal or stone or all of it in one. I can’t be burned or bitten or hurt.”

  “It’s why you don’t fight well with a sword,” Roarke surmised as he tilted his head and watched. “It’s hard to hold one when you’re all”—he waved his hand around—“like this.”

  “Yes. I don’t have the best manual dexterity with my fingers besides making a fist.” I shot him a smirk. “Think more Hulk smash than fencing.”

  �
��Hey, it’s wicked cool,” Roarke’s mate, Wally, whispered in awe. “You’re several comic book characters in one, Xana.”

  “Okay, point proven, so put down the fire,” Gilroy demanded before blowing out the lighter. Then he inspected my arm, shaking his head when he didn’t find a mark. “Amazing.” He glanced up at me with wide eyes. “Is that why you go so long? I mean, you stay hard—um, you know—during?”

  I blinked at him a moment and then smiled. “No, baby, that’s all you. It doesn’t affect my dick.”

  “Right, back to the matter at hand,” Helios drawled as Gilroy blushed. “Okay, so the fire won’t hurt you, but you’ve never tried drone strikes with gasoline and whatever else they’re rigging up, right?”

  “No, which is why I was asking how accurate they are,” I answered as I moved back by the map. “I was thinking, if they could hit from the outskirts, keep them from spreading, we could use the missile launchers directly into the group.” I pointed out what I was thinking. “You and I take the front where they’ll be attacking from, keep the newest warriors and post-trans on the roof with the long-range weapons.”

  “Good,” Helios muttered, nodding. “We incapacitate and toss back as many as we can for others to finish off.”

  “Like Yuri did with us in France,” Wally piped in, glancing at Lance and Mark. I raised an eyebrow at that one. “There were a lot and we were post-trans. He hit them with a good blow and we took their heads.”

  “Yeah, like that,” I agreed. “I’m better at barreling people over, shots to the chest that land them on their asses, that sort of thing.”

  “Still works,” Alexander confirmed. “We are fast enough to get in there and take their heads while they are on the ground. We simply do not have the numbers for a full-frontal assault.”

  “What about the pre-trans?” Dimitri asked. “You know the Zakasacs will want them? They’re cannon fodder. We can’t leave them unprotected but dividing us to guard them could mean we don’t have enough people to hold them off until we have help arrive.”

  “Pair them up with a new warrior and post-trans on the roof,” Alexander instructed after a moment. “They’re the ammo refillers. For now, get everything to the stairwell. If we start loading it on the roof, they’ll know we’re not handing Gilroy over and mounting an attack.”

  “Done,” we all agreed.

  “Sam, get medical ready with Bowie,” Alexander warned quietly. “Warm blood and every bed should be made ready. I know it’s not much time, but do the best as you can, then the two of you are on transport duty if anyone should fall. That’s your only job. We can’t risk you both in the heat of things.”

  “Understood.”

  We all broke up and it was a flurry of activity after that.

  Forty-five minutes into the hour deadline, I was helping the pre-trans carry armfuls of RPGs up from the armory when I caught Gilroy racing from the command center out of the corner of my eye.

  “Take these,” I muttered to Lynx who was empty-handed, making his way back to the armory, and unloaded them to him. Then I darted off after my man. I caught up with him just inside the cafeteria, bent over with his hands on his knees, breathing heavy as if he was having a panic attack. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  “I can’t—I can’t,” he wheezed, shaking his head.

  “You can’t what?” I whispered as I crouched down so I could see his face. I saw his eyes were bugged out, wild, as his breathing became even more erratic.

  He was going to pass out.

  I took his face in my hands and made him look at me. “I love you, and they will not get you while I can still fight. I promise you, Gilroy. They won’t get you.” His eyes watered up and I knew I’d been right. He was freaking that they’d take him again. “You’re mine and they can’t have you.” I swallowed loudly and admitted what I’d already been thinking. “Even if the worst happens, would you rather go into a coma like Roarke instead of be their slave again?”

  Gilroy blinked at me as his legs gave out, falling to the floor. “What?”

  “You’re scared of going back and having another Winston,” I muttered as I pulled him closer, hugging him to me. “We can make sure that doesn’t happen if you want, baby.”

  He didn’t say anything, but at least he slowly calmed down, relaxing against me. “No. Thank you, but no. I couldn’t do that to you.”

  “Gilroy, I love you. It wouldn’t be a sacrifice for me at all,” I chuckled lightly. “I’d be honored to be your mate.”

  “You are the most selfless man in the world,” he choked out, kissing my neck. Then he leaned back and I saw the tears swimming in his eyes. “It’s still no. I couldn’t ever do that to you. I mean, I think I feel the same, I’m pretty damn sure after you seriously just said you’d do this for me knowing I’m not sure which fucking way is up ever and the risk you’d be taking, but I could never take that risk for you.” He gave me a soft kiss and I felt wetness on my cheeks. “Thank you, Xana.”

  “Is that your only reason for saying no? You’re worried about me?” I hedged, closing my eyes and swallowing loudly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “If you were a selfish bastard and you didn’t care that it might hurt me one day—would you do it? Would you risk being tied to me forever even if they never get you?”

  He shocked me by chuckling. “Well yeah. I don’t think being tied to you would be a bad thing at all, Xana. I kinda think if we survive this, I might even ask for it all on my own one day soon. And I mean, anything is better than going back to being a Zakasac slave. If it’s even close to them getting me again, I’ll find a way to end it because I can’t risk going—”

  I’d been toying with the idea of doing it anyways, not worrying about his fears for me, but when he started talking about taking his own life, something snapped in me. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until my fangs were somehow already out and piercing his skin. Gilroy moaned deeply as his hands shook on me.

  I greedily drank down his blood, making sure to get more than enough to complete the mating bond. It wasn’t like a tiny sip or a couple drops would make us mates. Oh no, something like that could be an accident, especially as warriors. I mean, in the heat of battle with swords, I’d been splattered with people’s blood before and as a vampire it wasn’t like I always spit it back out.

  And I couldn’t be infected with something. So yeah, it took a lot to really mate us. At least a good pint. As a rule of thumb, I’d always heard and been taught it was smart to drink until the orgasm hit and then some.

  Which was why I kept drinking even when Gilroy buried his face against my neck and cried out my name as he blew his load. When he was done, I pulled my fangs out of his skin and licked the bite. He muttered something I couldn’t make out but I had a feeling it wasn’t good and I was pretty sure I was a dead man walking.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” I cooed, hugging him tighter. “I’m not sorry you’re mine, but I’m sorry I did it like that. You were talking about killing yourself and I can’t risk that. I won’t let them get you, but even if the worst does happen”—he said something again but it was louder this time though I kept right on talking—“I’d rather it be a coma because that gives me time to hunt down whoever the son-of-a-bitch is that tried to make you theirs. Just don’t hate me, okay? I can’t lose you, and if you take your own life—”

  “Xana, stop…” he started, but then I couldn’t hear the rest again.

  “What?”

  “I love you.”

  “Huh?” I leaned back so fast I almost fell over, my hands clutching onto his arms to balance myself.

  Gilroy smiled shyly at me, his cheeks flushed even as his eyes were glazed over with lust. “I love you.”

  “Why?” I whispered, thrown by the turn of events.

  “Are you fishing?” he teased.

  “No, I just—you didn’t—I claimed you—how are you—”

  “You’re sexy when you’re like this,” he chuckled, leaning in and kissi
ng my nose. Then he pushed me back and straddled my hips. “You love me enough to risk my wrath because you weren’t willing to risk losing me. I would have done the same, I realized, and I love you for what you did. Let’s survive this so I can claim you too, okay?”

  “Yeah, sounds perfect,” I choked out, more determined than ever that none of them were going to lay a finger on my mate. “I love you.”

  “I know.” He winked at me and jumped off me. “As much as I would love to ask you to show me how much and without clothes, I’m pretty sure our deadline’s up and they need me for the drones.” He frowned then and offered me a hand. I rolled to my feet and he practically attacked my mouth. “Be safe and come back to me, okay? I need you.”

  “Same here. I’ll be fine. Fly your toys good and keep a sidearm just in case. Get to the roof when you’re done and have fun blowing up some shit.”

  “You better believe it.” He gave me another hot, but quick, kiss and then we raced off to our designated positions. I hated leaving him when he turned off for the command center, but for this to work and us to have even a chance of surviving until backup came, I needed to be outside on the front lines.

  Except I realized a major problem when I arrived and moved up next to Helios.

  “Mother fucker,” I hissed.

  “What? What’s wrong?” he worried as he stared out past the gates, taking inventory of how many enemies we were about to engage as soon as the drones attacked.

  “I’m too happy.”

  “What?” he, Alexander, and several others growled.

  “So what? Be happy, just fucking fight, dumbass,” Jeston drawled, rolling his eyes. “Do your Hulk thing.”

  “It only works if my blood pressure’s up,” I muttered, running my hands over my head. “I just mated Gilroy. How can I be anything but happy? He’s safe no matter what now.”

  “What do you think they’ll do if they figure out you claimed their experiment?” Roarke snapped, shoving me. “They won’t put in him in the coma like they did me, Xana. And that wasn’t a peaceful sleep. It was hell. I felt like I was burning for days. It was horrible. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. They won’t do that to Gilroy because you took away their prize. They’ll kill him.”