Love's Nudging Read online

  “I didn’t remember offering,” I drawled and got back into position so he didn’t see that I got flushed at what he said. Well, more the idea. It had been years and years since I’d been with someone, and the guy was hot. All of them were. I wondered if it was part of being super ancient. Were they super hot then? Or were all men hot way back then?

  Probably my brain was just tired and needed coffee.

  We got the rest of them and headed to get ready ourselves. Well, London said he was going off to get hot sex because he’d confess he saw two cocks and Drake would totally get jealous and plow him. That might be more than we needed to know, but Zibon was muttering something about wondering if that would work with Alastair.

  And I found myself jealous once again. It would be nice to have someone like that, be able to be open with who I was and enjoy a real relationship, but it wasn’t meant to be.

  I didn’t get a happy ending like that.

  5

  In between work and helping with training, we spent the next few days nailing the knights left and right. The best was when Gaius, Nero, Seneca, Alastair, and Proximo got the jump on them as they walked out of the dorm and tripped them all so we had a moment to get our shots off.

  “Seriously?” Danek drawled, rubbing his head where someone’s shot must have landed. “The game is with them, not you guys.”

  Seneca shrugged. “No one said we couldn’t assist, and my fiancé promised to do all the things I liked if I helped, and he’s phenomenal at those things.”

  “Hey, Falcon threatened to stop having sex with me if I didn’t help,” Gaius bitched. “How come you get extras?” He flinched, and I realized Falcon had shot him a few times.

  “Idiot, I was just kidding,” Falcon grumbled, shooting him again. “Like I could ever withhold sex for real? You take off your shirt and I’m begging for it.” He shot him a few more times. “I don’t think you have any reason to complain about your sex life, but apparently I’m not satisfying you enough.”

  “That is not what I meant,” he argued, moving closer to him.

  “Go beg Ellison for sex then!” Falcon snapped, storming off. “You were saying you were jealous London got to see their dicks the other day too.”

  “You really step in it better than anyone I’ve ever known,” Nero told his friend.

  “Yes, but I don’t do it on purpose, and I’m aces at getting myself back out,” he defended before hurrying off after Falcon.

  Again I felt that pang of jealousy. I’d felt it since the first of us had found someone, that passion and love Wally shared with Roarke hitting me like little needles, but the more of us that found love, the worse the pain got. I needed a break from it, and that was why I threw myself into the clean sweeps so hard.

  Plus, we really had run out of plans and ways to catch them off guard.

  I was sweeping the side of the camp that led to Ashton’s, wondering what the prizes would be considering I was also still getting presents. That morning had been a ridiculous amount and range of store bought treats and snacks. Like an insane amount as if someone had bought one of every option on Amazon including the expensive international treats.

  Bricius really was an odd guy. Thorough, but odd.

  I glanced at the map and marked off the area I checked with the scanner. The great thing about Rune’s program was that it would also locate any devices that hadn’t been updated. It was how Ben and Dean had been busted working with the enemy since Rune had found the phone they were using.

  That was a while ago, but knowing it had happened once—even if it was just because they were stupid—made all of us diligent in checking everything out. It was also why Rune had told us on the side that he wanted the entire subdivision, Ashton’s, and all the construction trailers swept as well. They were instructed to bring in everything, and according to everyone, it was done so we shouldn’t have found anything.

  Shouldn’t have.

  I marked off the next area on the map, and that brought me to the construction trailers. The first several were fine, but then I reached one that lit up. I glanced at it a second and then looked to the other trailers.

  “One of these things doesn’t belong here,” I muttered. It was parked among the others, not on the side, but it wasn’t the same type of trailer. Sure, there were a bunch of different colors and models, but Ashton had bought from the same company and year.

  This one was different.

  I went around and peeked through the blinds when I didn’t sense anyone in there. My heart beat in my throat as I saw several recent pictures of myself. I booked it around to the door and rammed it open, fear and horror filling me when I saw it wasn’t just me they had pictures of.

  A laptop on the counter was running a wiping program. Darting over there, I canceled it and searched through what the most recent anything was to get an idea of anything.

  And then I was really scared.

  My blood thundered in my ears as I took off for the camp at full speed, not even thinking about Rune’s scanner. I just kept seeing that message flashing in my head.

  Little Mermaid has ducked her security and is on the way. Her plane took off two hours ago. Don’t fail to make seafood.

  The message also included a timestamp and ETA for the plane. The threat was clear, but what most people wouldn’t know is who that referred to, but I did, as I knew that code name well.

  I was the reason she’d ever had it even if I didn’t know she still used it.

  Seeing the buildings for the main area didn’t fill me with relief but caused me to simply push harder to make sure I made it in time. I was the reason my parents and baby brother had died, but this time I wouldn’t be late and let anyone else die.

  I saw the SUVs pull up in front of the main building as I broke the tree line and kept going, pushing harder than I ever had before. The moment I saw her step out of the middle vehicle, I felt like I wasn’t the only one racing for some reason. I was still ten feet out when I saw the blur rushing towards her too.

  “Bricius!” I bellowed as I shoved her out of the way with all I had as I collided with the guy. I felt my gift flare as it deflected his attack, hitting him with his own gift at full force. We landed hard on the concrete, breaking a huge section of it as I wrapped my claws around his neck so he couldn’t get away. There was no way for him to fight back since my gift didn’t let him feel his gift being reflected back.

  But I was still too scared to let him go.

  “He’s dead!” someone bellowed, getting through the ringing in my ears.

  I nodded, letting go of the guy and sitting on my feet, my body changing back now that the threat was over. “I made it in time, right? It wasn’t my fault this time?”

  “She’s fine, Mark,” Bricius said gently, squatting down next to me. He reached out to touch me, and this time I didn’t smack his hand away, but I did deflect him. “Still not going to let me, huh? You are a tough one to crack.”

  “So not the moment to make this about you,” I whispered, rubbing my hand over my chest. “I don’t know it was just him. There’s a construction trailer that doesn’t fit the others. I was sweeping for electronics and found pictures of us. They realized I was here and someone would probably make contact, and it was a perfect assassination opportunity. They knew her code name.”

  “Well, then good thing I have a warrior grandson who was smarter than them and with a powerful gift no less,” Grandmother said from behind me.

  I nodded my head but didn’t move or look at her. I couldn’t look at her, my mind going back to the last time I’d seen her. I gasped as arms slid around my neck.

  “Please forgive me,” she rasped in Danish. “I have wanted to tell you how wrong I was for so long. It was not your fault, Markham. It wasn’t. You were a boy. It was an accident. A horrible, horrible accident of sudden bad weather. Even if they went sooner, it still could have happened.”

  “I made them take him,” I choked out, covering my face with my hands. “I was so angr
y they’d make me watch him again, their normal son, and I threw a fit.”

  “Children do that. It still wasn’t your fault. I was a monster to ever say that. No matter my pain, my grief at losing two children and two grandchildren so close together, I was so wrong to even think that. I do not believe that, not in the slightest, and the next day I went to find you to apologize. Please, please believe me that no one blames you, Markham. I know you will never forgive me, but please believe at least that.”

  “I cannot,” I sobbed. “I close my eyes and see them. I see them disappointed in me for being selfish. I see the moment I handed him over. I see the funeral where you slapped me and everyone blamed me. I see them never at peace because I killed them. I hear whispered in my head that people wish it was me. It all haunts me.”

  “No more. Please, please, do not think these thoughts anymore,” she begged me, and I wasn’t sure my grandmother had ever begged anyone for anything. “Come, let us move inside and away from this situation so you can calm yourself.”

  “I can’t look at you and see the rage again,” I admitted.

  “She’s not angry with you in the slightest, Markham,” Bricius whispered gently, able to understand us apparently. “She is crying as you are. Do you think her the type to fly all this way just to yell at you again?”

  “No,” I admitted, mopping up my face before nodding and letting out a shaky breath. She let me go, and I stood, turning to face her for the first time in a decade.

  “You have grown rather tall,” she muttered, looking up and up at me since she was about five-two and I was almost six-seven. “I never thought I would require a step ladder to hug my grandson.” She crooked her finger at me until I leaned down. She grabbed my face and kissed my closed eyes. “Thank you for saving me. You grew into a very handsome man, but I will always see the tiny boy when I look at you.”

  “He is handsome, it’s part of why I wish to court him,” Bricius admitted, dropping that bomb from the way Grandmother flinched. “No, I hadn’t told her yet.”

  “Told her what?” I drawled as she let me go. “That you’re stalking me and I said you could try whatever for a month to help out? That’s not exactly a story to tell. I was very clear I wouldn’t be with you. I won’t ever be with someone.”

  “Why ever not?” Grandmother demanded, glancing between us.

  I opened my mouth but then closed it, my face feeling like a million degrees as I flushed super hot. I’d been so wrapped up in the attempt on her life and dealing with my past hurt, I’d completely forgotten no one in my family knew I was gay. “Let’s get inside while the others check he was the only one here for you.” I guided her along, more than able to give her a bit of a nudge.

  Once we were inside though, she sidestepped me and grabbed my arm. “Markham, why will you not ever be with someone?”

  I cleared my throat, not able to look at her. “I would never risk being a scandal for the family even if it was made clear I wouldn’t be one of you after my transition since I wouldn’t look like any of you.”

  “Who ever said that?” she demanded, her tone laced with anger.

  I blinked at her. “Uncle for one. Several of your advisors. Lots of people.” I thought back on it. “Many said I would be hidden, otherwise there would be rumors Mother was unfaithful to Father since I look nothing like any of you.”

  “You look exactly like your father but taller and with your mother’s hair,” she said firmly. “That was bile and nonsense and pettiness. I never said it. Your grandfather never did. Your parents never did. I do not care what anyone else says.” She waited until I nodded. “And your being gay is not a scandal.” She gave me a kind look. “Markham, we knew you were gay for a long time.”

  “I didn’t,” I blurted, my eyes going wide. “I realized right before they died. It was why I was being such a jerk. I wanted to talk to them about it. I needed to talk to them about it before I did something to embarrass the family.”

  “Oh my poor boy,” she whispered, reaching up and cupping my face. “We knew and loved you still. Why do you think I still have this ridiculous code name?”

  I frowned at her. “You promised to use it if I stopped making everyone watch The Little Mermaid.”

  “Yes, darling, but you watched it because you were in love with Prince Eric. You would sing the songs and loved it but then cry when he picked her to marry over you. We knew you were gay.”

  “That is so ridiculously adorable,” Bricius muttered, chuckling when my face flushed again. “So there is no blocking of my courting him.”

  She gave him a withering look. “I did say he can be with who he wants, but I did not say you. I would object strongly to you, as you outed him and risked his safety according to Henrik. Anyone who is incapable of treating him like an equal is unworthy of him. You treated him like a child.”

  “I did not,” Bricius argued. “It was going to come out, and I thought this way better.”

  “One, it never had to,” I snapped, tired of that being his ground work. “You keep saying that like it’s the logical conclusion and this was going to happen. That’s assuming everyone is logical, and they aren’t. She’s the head of a country. Someone will always hate her, always want her dead, and her power. You put a target on her with this and me.

  “And you’re not grasping that.” He opened his mouth to argue, but I waved him off. “So I can just tell everyone about vampires? It’s inevitably going to come out. For real, one day it will. It can’t be kept quiet forever. Humans have found out before too, so I can just tell? There’s no backlash then if I make the decision for everyone? No one needs to be consulted and I can just decide?”

  “Point made,” Bricius sighed, pushing his deep red hair off his forehead. His hair made his eyes seem almost red at times, but they were very much orange in the sunlight, so I knew it was just shadows and lighting. “But I did not do it because I see you as a child. You felt alone and terrified. You were, Markham. I did it because you weren’t really alone.”

  “Fine, I can see the distinction and understand it better as long as you really see why it was so wrong,” I conceded, glad when he nodded.

  “Darling, who are these young men staring at us like we are unicorns?” Grandmother asked. I knew she did it to change the topic and everything wasn’t simply erased between us, but we were still in public, and she knew I was scared and upset still.

  I guided her down the hall towards the cafeteria so she could at least get something to drink after her travel. “Most people are not used to speaking with a queen, Grandmother. Most will never meet one, and they were born of a country that doesn’t even have one.”

  “Ahhh, yes, of course. They are your friends?”

  “I will introduce you, I promise.” I did after I fixed her some tea, starting with Alexander, Dimitri, and Matteo, then my friends, shocked that they all knew how to greet her and act.

  Nate cleared his throat when he saw how I was watching them. “We looked it up when we learned who you were. You said there was a difference between Dutch and other monarchs in greetings, so we didn’t want to look stupid as your friends.”

  “Well done,” Grandmother approved. “It’s important you know how to act if you stand at his side, especially in public even if he’s given you permission to be lax in private.” She shot Henrik a look that clearly she knew he was chastising them. She sat, and I nodded to others that they could, doing the same. “Now, there is much to discuss, but first off, you have been named the crowned prince. You were the—”

  “I do not want it,” I whispered, going to pull my hand away, but she wouldn’t let me.

  “Markham, if that is what you truly want, I will respect it, but there is a conversation to be had,” she said firmly, waiting until I nodded. “You are not the first of our family to be gay. It’s one of the reasons Denmark is so progressive in the best ways. We had laws and protections long before other countries even thought of them. Personally, I would love to see Denmark with a gay ruler
, the first in modern history.”

  “I will think on that,” I agreed when she didn’t continue. “I thought…”

  “I realize what you thought, and it’s time to clear up much,” she told me gently. “Your parents were thrilled you were a warrior. Your father never wanted to be part of the royal family. He wanted to be normal, as did your mother. They were thrilled for you but also a bit jealous at times, as you would have to leave the spotlight and with a valid reason, as you would grow too big too fast not to hide for a bit.

  “But it was never going to be forever.” She paused to let that sink in. “Your brother was an accident. There was no having another child because of how you were born or whatever else people have said or led you to believe. He was an accident. You were an accident. Accidents they loved immensely but accidents. Your parents were a bit flighty and…” She shrugged.

  I let out a shaky breath, bobbing my head.

  “There was more to your parents’ research than they told people and you thought. It’s also why they were flighty—that is not the right word.”

  “Distracted?” Bowie offered. “My mate is rather distracted, as research is a rabbit hole sometimes and he doesn’t always realize he fell into it.”

  “Yes, thank you, that is better,” she accepted. “What they kept finding was also terrifying.”

  “It is,” Sam agreed, quickly introducing himself. “Henrik told me what it was, but I found much more in several hidden files.”

  “I haven’t really looked at it since they died,” I admitted. “I used to study their journals and findings because it was fascinating but also…”

  “You wanted to be closer to your mom and dad,” Zibon muttered, moving his arm around me. “Yeah, I get that and how it hurts if it doesn’t work out like you wanted.”

  There were a lot of confused people, so Grandmother backed up. “They searched the planet for vampires with different gifts. There is a volume on empaths and gifts that fall under that category, findings that it is a gift that is typically inherited. Being a reflector is, and your father had it as did my eldest son.”