Love's Indecision Read online

  I leaned over and kissed his sweet, soft lips. "Your father just told me that you're adopted. Your birth parents died when you were about one year old, and while they thought they knew your real birthday, it's possible they were wrong. They didn't know your birth parents personally, and a friend of theirs brought you to them knowing they couldn't have children of their own."

  "What?" he gasped as he tried to pull away from me, but I wouldn't let him.

  I took his face firmly in my hands and gave him another quick kiss. "You can deal with all of this later, baby, okay? I'll explain it again after you transition and we can go beat up your parents for keeping secrets. But please, please, Nate, I need you to push it aside and focus on your transition," I pleaded with him. "Right now you need to stay calm and just focus on your breathing. I need you to stay with me right now."

  "Matteo, I can't just," he started to say, but then another wave of pain hit and he screamed.

  "Did you give him the drugs?" I yelled over to the doctors.

  "No, we didn't know what to do with him entering his transition early," one of them answered me.

  "I talked with his parents, it's fine," I replied. "Help him, give him the drugs."

  The man searched my face for a few moments before nodding and turning towards the table and working on a syringe.

  "How could they lie to me like that?" Nate asked, starting to sob. "All these years, never telling me I was adopted. Why? Why would they do that to me?"

  "Probably so you never had to feel like you do right now," I answered as I moved him to a sitting up position. I decided right then to do something I never did with vampires in their transition; I refused to stay detached. Crawling into bed behind him, I sat up, my back leaning against the wall. I moved Nate so that he was reclining up against my chest with his body in between my legs. I wrapped both arms around him, hugging him to me as gently as possible.

  "Do you think they ever loved me?"

  "I think they love you very much, Nate," I answered honestly. "I don't think there is ever a good time to have that kind of conversation with someone you love. And they see you as their son, so what did it ever matter that you weren't born from your mother?"

  "I guess that makes sense," Nate replied, running his hands over my arms. "Does this change the way you feel about me?"

  "Absolutely not," I said completely aghast. "I love you for the man you are, not your lineage or who your parents are."

  "You love me?" he asked, turning to look in my eyes. Unable to answer at the moment, I simply nodded. "I love you too, Matteo."

  "I hope you still do tomorrow," I whispered as I leaned down to give him another kiss. Nate broke the kiss to gasp in pain again. Just then the doctor came over and gave Nate a shot in his arm. It seemed to help, smoothing away the lines of pain and stress on his gorgeous face. "Just rest, Nate. You'll need your strength to get through this."

  "Will you stay with me?" he asked as he turned to the side to curl up. I moved my arms so that he could adjust his position; his head on my shoulder and his legs thrown over one of my thighs. He was still in between my legs, but more like if I was carrying him while I walked. Again, I gently wrapped my arms around him.

  "I'm not going anywhere, Nate," I answered, laying my head on top of his. "Believe me, I'm feeling every painful twinge with you, baby. If I could bear this for you, I would."

  "I know you would," Nate replied smiling up at me. "It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. You have the biggest, softest heart. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

  "Thanks, I have to keep up my street cred," I said chuckling. Nate giggled before gasping in pain again.

  I sat there, helpless to help him, but trying to soothe him nonetheless. We didn't say anything as the minutes, and then hours, ticked by. While I watched Nate's suffering I felt my heart breaking as I desperately wanted to help him. I knew they were hopeless wishes, but they were ones I couldn't stop myself from making. CHAPTER 5

  I woke up from my nap to Nate's screams. I held on to him as gently as I could, praying to the powers that be for this to end soon. Thankfully he was through most of his transition, but now he was experiencing skull-splitting pain as his fangs grew in. I felt hot tears streaming down my face as I tried to lend him every ounce of my strength.

  "You're almost done, baby," I whispered in his ear as it seemed the pain started to subside. When I felt him finally go slack against me, I knew he was finally done. Looking down at the now large man in my arms, I started to wonder if the small hospital bed we were in would be able to hold us up.

  I moved out from behind him and grabbed the bags of blood. Reaching out to help him sit up again, I lifted the first bag towards his face.

  "No," he whispered, "I won't drink it." "Baby, your fangs are in now," I replied completely confused. "It's time for you to drink. You made it."

  "But look how big I am."

  "What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, not following his train of thought.

  "I'm not the little Nate you fell for anymore," he whimpered as tears streamed down his face. "You're not going to want me anymore."

  "Baby, that's not true," I answered sitting down on the bed in front of him. "You're still gorgeous, just in a different way. Inside, I know you'll still be the man I fell in love with."

  "You don't know that," he sobbed, clutching onto my shirt.

  "I don't know that, but I feel it in my heart," I answered, taking his hands into mine. "Your emotions are running all over the place, Nate. You've been through hell and back, just give yourself time to adjust to it."

  "No… no… I know you won't want me," Nate replied, still crying loudly. "I won't survive your rejection of me. I won't drink the blood. Just please, let me die."

  "Not a fucking chance," I growled, taking his head into my hands. "I didn't just suffer through this with you to let you die now. I want you, Nate. I just need to know that you want me once things settle down."

  "You're just saying that so I'll drink." How could a vampire that big sound sulky?

  "I've never once lied to you, baby, I'm not going to start now. Now drink the blood, Nate. It's important you do it now."

  "No, I won't drink from the bag," he answered pulling away from me.

  "From the bag? What will you drink from?"

  "You," he replied, looking straight into my eyes. "If you love me, and you're so sure I won't change, then let me drink from you."

  "Nate," I whispered, finally seeing what he was getting at. He wanted to mate with me to ensure I wouldn't ever leave him. "We need to wait, baby. You're too upset right now; we need to give it some time. Once we both calm down and adjust to the changes, we can talk about it."

  "See, I knew you wouldn't want me when I'm huge like this," he said, pushing against my chest. Nate was right about one thing; he was huge. He had to have grown as big as Dimitri. I hadn't seen him stand up yet, but he was at least six-seven and three hundred pounds. I was large for a vampire and warrior, but even I felt a little scrawny sitting here with Nate.

  "It's not that, Nate," I replied, shaking my head. "You're still every bit as breath-taking to me, but your emotions aren't under control."

  Before he could even answer me, he turned to the side and threw up. Fuck! That meant his body needed the blood now. It would start eating his internal organs soon, then his muscles, until his body consumed itself if it didn't get the blood it craved.

  "Baby, please, I don't want you to hate me later for giving in," I said, rubbing his back as he kept trying to push me away as he finished vomiting.

  "If you loved me like you say you do, you wouldn't have to think twice about being mated to me," Nate cried. I knew he wasn't in his right mind; his body, hormones, and everything else were completely off-kilter. But seeing the pain in his eyes and after everything he went through, not just with the transition but learning of his adoption, I couldn't deny him.

  I leaned in and kissed him gently on his lips before pulling back and tilting
my head to the side. "I hope this is something you really want after you even out from your transition. Please, don't hate me for giving in, Nate."

  "I won't, I love you," he answered as he leaned in to lick my neck. I felt my whole body shake at the sensation. Nate wrapped his arms around me and up my back, grabbing my hair in one hand and pulling me closer. Before I could even think about changing my mind he sank his fangs into my neck.

  Instantly, my cock swelled, then erupted with the first suck he took of my blood. I moaned loudly reaching to stroke my cock through my running pants as my orgasm went on, wave after wave. After a few minutes Nate lifted his head up and licked the bite closed.

  "I want in your sweet ass, Matteo," he whispered as he sucked on my ear. "I'm not sure if this is normal, but I've never, ever wanted or needed to be with someone like I do at this moment."

  "I think it's because of the mating, not your transition."

  "Please, let me fuck you, my mate," he begged, moving my hand over his rock solid cock. "I need to feel you."

  "I've never had someone inside me before," I replied, completely unprepared for the turn of events.

  "Good, then I'll have been the only one," Nate growled as he moved off the bed. "Just as you are the only one who's been in my ass."

  "That seems fair," I whispered, still feeling the aftershocks of our mating and my orgasm.

  "We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said gently as he reached out and cupped my cheek.

  I shook my head at first, trying to put my jumbled emotions into words. "It's not that I don't want to, I'm just on overload from the mating. And after centuries of sex I feel like a virgin again, since I've never let anyone take my ass."

  "Oh god, you're killing me," Nate groaned as he rubbed his erection against my leg as it hung over the side of the bed. "I don't want to pressure you, Matteo. But fuck, I want to be in you so badly."

  "Take me, my mate," I answered, still scared, but also excited about the idea of my mate's cock in me. I'd never wanted anyone to fuck me before; it was a new experience. And the wide, feral smile he gave me was worth my fear.

  "Roll over," he growled as he ripped off his clothes.

  I did as he asked. Before I could even move to take off my clothes Nate's hands were there taking them off me. Bent over the bed as I was, I couldn't see what he was doing, but I heard some items moving on the table. "Nate, can we do this so I can see you?" I asked hesitantly.

  "Of course we can. I actually prefer that idea," he answered as he rubbed my ass. "Turn back over."

  I gladly did, smiling up at him as I moved my hands under my thighs and pulled them to my chest. Nate growled deep in his chest before leaning over and licking my puckered hole. Fuck! I'd never had anyone lick me there before. It felt amazing. I watched as his head moved, and my cock started to harden again. When he pushed his tongue into my ass I let out a loud moan.

  A few moments later, he removed his tongue and slipped in a lubed finger. Looking around I saw he hadn't used lube, but hand lotion. Hey, whatever worked. I let the sensation of Nate playing with my ass overtake me.

  "Am I hurting you?" he asked as his eyes devoured my body.

  "No, feels good," I panted. "More. I want more, Nate."

  He smiled a sexy little smile at me that was all Nate; even with his new, larger body it was still the Nate I loved. Pushing another finger in gently, he started scissoring them around. I held on tighter to my legs as my body started to shake. When he pushed in a third finger I skated on the edge of control.

  "Enough. Stick your cock in me already," I hissed, loving the feeling of being so full and the slight bite of pain. "Fuck me into the bed, baby."

  "My pleasure," he answered, pulling his fingers out of me. Nate moved to line his cock up with my hole and started to push in. We both groaned loudly as he started to work about half of his cock in and out of me. Looking down, I saw that Nate's dick had grown to at least ten or eleven inches. I was shocked my body could even take that much.

  "God, this feels fucking amazing," I moaned as he started to push more of himself into me. With one hard thrust, he bottomed out in my ass. Nate leaned down and kissed me, tongue thrusting right into my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck as our tongues tangled. Loving the full feeling of my mate being in me, I noticed he didn't move while my body adjusted to his size. "And you thought I wouldn't like the new, huge Nate."

  "Stupid me," he chuckled as he moved my legs over his shoulders and grabbed my hips. "I'm not sure of my new strength, Matteo. I don't want to hurt you."

  "You could never hurt me, Nate," I said. "Now fuck like you've never fucked before."

  Nate's eyes grew wide at my words as a look of pure lust and desire crossed his face. Taking me at my word he started a hard and fast rhythm. I reached over head and grabbed onto the side of the bed, almost afraid he was going to push me off with his forceful thrusts.

  "Getting close, Matteo," he grunted in between thrusts. I'd never seen anything so beautiful as Nate was right at that moment. His face was a combination of pure bliss and sensuality. Nate's large, strong body showed the exertion he was putting forth. Every muscle moved with him, showing off his new, sexy physique.

  "Come for me, my mate," I panted as I reached down and took my cock in my hand. I started stroking along it to the pace Nate was fucking me.

  "Shit, that's hot," he groaned, licking his lips as he looked between my leaking cock and my face. "I love you so much, Matteo."

  "I love you too, Nate," I cried out as my dick started spurting cum. I felt my ass tighten around his cock, as he roared. Even though I was pretty sure I'd never come so hard in my life, I kept stroking myself, extending my orgasm. "Fuck, so good!"

  "So beautiful," Nate gasped before yelling out my name loudly. I felt him stiffen and watched the tendons in his neck bulge out seconds before I felt his seed fill my ass. He thrust several more times before collapsing on top of me.

  "That was…" I panted, not even able to coherently finish my thought as we lay there shaking. I ran my hands up and down his back as we both tried to get our breathing under control. Nate's cock finally softened enough to slip out of my ass. It was another new experience for me, feeling his seed start to run out of my ass. Without thinking, I started laughing.

  "What's so funny?" he asked lifting his head to look down at me.

  "Your cum's running out my ass and it feels funny," I answered honestly. "That and I never thought I would ever have my ass fucked, and it was more amazing than I could ever have guessed."

  "You don't regret it, do you?" The flicker of uncertainty on his face was apparent.

  "Fuck no," I said taking his face in my hands. "I loved it, I love being with you. It was just as great as our time in the showers. With you I don't mind being the bottom as well as the top."

  "Good, because I really liked it as well," he replied, smiling. Leaning over, he kissed my lips quickly before standing. "Now let's get you cleaned up."

  "Nate, you need to lie down," I answered, shaking my head. "I can't believe you even were able to do that. Normally I'd be helping to put the post-transition into a coma, not allowing them any exertion like sex."

  "I feel fine," he said, shrugging his shoulders as he reached for the box of tissues. Not my idea of how to clean up, but it would do given where we were. I wasn't able to move quickly enough as Nate dropped to his knees. "Actually, I change my answer, Matteo."

  "I think you had an adrenaline and endorphin rush from the mating," I said, lifting him in my arms and then laying him down on a different, clean bed. "Now you're starting to feel what most post-trans feel after they've had blood."

  "It's not as bad as before," he answered as he curled into a ball. "But, fuck, it still hurts."

  "I'm going to put you under, baby," I said, running my fingers through his soft hair. "We can't put someone under during the transition, but it won't affect you if we do for the few days afterwards. You don't have to suffer through this part."


  "No, it's okay. I can handle this," Nate said shaking his head.

  "Not your call, Nate. It's procedure, you know that," I chuckled. "You don't get special favors because you're my mate. I have to do this. It won't just be a few hours of waves of pain. It will be a constant, dull pain everywhere. Please, I can't watch you suffer any more when I can help you now."

  "Okay, Matteo," he replied quietly. "But only because it hurts you to see me like this."

  "Quite noble of you, baby," I whispered against his lips before kissing him.

  "I don't want to leave you, even for a few days," Nate said as I moved away to grab the necessary syringes. "We just mated, this should be our honeymoon period."

  "It will be, sweetheart, just after you wake up," I assured him as I put the different meds into a bag of blood. Once that was done I turned to Nate and hooked him up to the IV. "Just go to sleep now, baby. You'll wake up and most of the pain will be past. Then we can see and explore all the new, fun things you can do with this hot body."

  "Oh, fuck that sounds good," he moaned as his eyelids started to droop. Even though we combined the medicine with the blood, it was fast acting. "I love you, Matteo."

  "I love you too," I whispered against his lips as I heard his breathing even out and he drifted off to sleep. I watched him for several more moments before turning and grabbing my clothes. Once I was clothed again I headed back to my suite and got in the shower.

  As I lathered up my body I replayed the night's events in my mind. I seriously doubted mating with Nate like that was the right idea. There was no way to tell how the next few days would go as his body, mind, and emotions evened out after such a rapid growth. I just prayed he wouldn't hate me for what we did. CHAPTER 6

  I was standing over Nate's bed at the infirmary when they brought him out of the medical coma a couple of days later. After several minutes, his gorgeous eyes fluttered open. He looked around, confused, then down his body. Nate's eyes just about popped out of his head.

  "I made it," he said as he looked back up to me. "I'm huge!"