Love's Suspicion Read online

  Again, I apologize for leaving you after such a magical night together without talking to you first. I pray you aren’t angry with me. I have left my cell number on this note, and I beg you to contact me after you have your phone and calm my worries you won’t forgive me for this.

  Did I mention I’m a worrier sort of person? Is that endearing to you, as it shows how much I care?

  All my hope you think it is,

  Sen. Your Sen.

  I smiled as I ran my fingers over his signature. His handwriting was astoundingly beautiful. Definitely not something used nowadays with all the swirls and flourish, but I thought it was perfect.

  I rolled over in the bed laughing my head off as I realized how big of a sappy goof I was being, smiling and tracing his signature on the note to me. When had I ever felt this? I mean, I had loved Tadzio, but that was different than this. Sen really saw me and… Yeah, saw me and still liked me as I was, liked who I could be.

  Who I wanted to be and with him.

  I jumped up, excited to get my phone and let him know I was far from sore with him. I locked up with the key he’d left in the notebook for me and hurried to shower, get ready for the day before jogging to ops.

  Gilroy saw me coming, shaking his head and chuckling at me as he handed me the clipboard to sign out for the phone. “He asked if I could charge it and get it all ready for you because he was worried you might not call him. I will say he probably hasn’t landed from his flight to LA yet.” He glanced around and lowered his voice. “And he ordered Tadzio to fly him and wait until he was done.”

  “Really?” I asked, smiling when he nodded. “Guess he thinks I’m worth making sure people don’t try and steal me away from him.”

  “Or he’s really possessive and doesn’t trust you,” he muttered under his breath. He shrugged when I shot him a dirty look. “Just saying.”

  “Yeah, and thanks for the viewpoint, I could have used that once before,” I replied after letting that settle. I handed him back the clipboard and shrugged. “That’s not Seneca, though. He warned me, and I was clear I’m done with Tadzio, that he’s upsetting me by acting like I’m the jerk over and over again when I have important shit on my shoulders, you know?”

  “Yeah, I do.” He set the clipboard down and handed me the package for my phone, going over a few of the tech stuff to keep it safe and rules of it that I actually already knew. Always nice to have a reminder, though.

  “Let’s have it,” I said when he was done, meaning whatever opinion he was suppressing from the look in his eyes and tension in his shoulders.

  He let out a slow sigh. “I will say two people can be in the same situation and see things completely differently and not mean to at all or things not be malicious. I know for a fact that Tadzio was worried about you while you were gone. He didn’t like the situation of it all and how quickly they pushed him to turn right back around after you left.”

  I thought about that a minute and nodded that I heard him. “I’m not downplaying that, but honestly, with the way I felt about him, I wouldn’t have stopped at worrying . If I thought something was wrong, the devil himself couldn’t have kept me from checking on him.” He opened his mouth to argue, and I shook my head. “Tell me if it was Xana, you wouldn’t tear the world apart to make sure he was okay?”

  “I can’t,” he huffed. “I’m not trying to get you to give Tadzio another chance. I guess I just want you to know you weren’t cheap to him or whatever you said that people were talking about. The difference is Xana and I are together. You dumped Tadzio, Ellison. Chasing after you would make him—”

  “Thanks for what you said and making sure I knew it wasn’t cheap, but you don’t know about the rest of this,” I cut in, not wanting to start a fight, but he was pushing it.

  “You’re right, I don’t. I only know what Tadzio’s said because he’s friends with my mate. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

  “You didn’t. Thanks for being concerned. I just want to move on, though. It’s been about two years since my transition and we ended. Enough. He thought there might be a chance for us when I came back or whatever, and there’s not. I don’t want to be with him. Whatever happened, whatever miscommunication, my feelings for him are in the past, and I’d like all of everything with him to be as well.”

  “Can I tell Xana you said that?” he murmured as he squirmed a bit. “Sorry, Xana’s worried about his friend. No matter if Falcon was a hundred percent wrong on something, you’d worry for him if he was in a bad spot, right?”

  “Yeah, you can tell Xana. I’d like someone to make it clear to Tadzio. He seems to think I’m jerking him around or playing with him, and I’m not . I’m trying to not engage because I can’t take it and neither can Falcon because if I start, my temper goes.”

  “Like the cafeteria?” he teased me, mirth dancing in his eyes. “Dude, you reamed him good.”

  “He started it,” I grumbled, sounding childish even to my own years. It might have been the truth, but honestly, it was a lame argument. I thanked him for the phone, wanting the conversation done and to contact Seneca.

  I turned it on and got as far as adding him as a contact before Dimitri yelled for me to hurry and eat since I was late and the pre-trans were waiting. I hadn’t known I was supposed to be anywhere.

  After some internal debate, I ordered a bunch of easy breakfast sandwiches to go, making the pre-trans get them along with drinks while I headed to the bathroom. I swallowed a laugh at how goofy I was being, sending a dick pick to my ancient new boyfriend. But that was exactly why I did it. We both needed some goofy.

  So you don’t forget what you’re hurrying to come home to! -El

  I sent it and caught up with the pre-trans. I got them settled with Oli before jogging over to the temp trailers littered all over. I sort of wondered about all of them because why would we need so many? Then again, I didn’t have money, so maybe it was normal to always go so big?

  Or maybe vampires really just were idiots.

  3

  “He’s going to donate them,” a deep voice said from behind me.

  “What?” I asked, spinning around to see Evan, relieved it was him.

  He chuckled. “You have that look on your face like I did when they all showed up. Theo’s going to donate them to a human veteran’s program that helps house homeless vets.”

  “Wow, that’s a lot to donate,” I murmured, glancing over the two dozen plus of them.

  Evan shrugged. “I guess he could always use the tax write offs. Plus, he just has fun doing it because he can.” He extended his hand to me. “Good to see you again.”

  “You too. Congrats on your mating.” I shook his hand, and he nodded to the one we had to go to.

  “Theo took over for Alastair, and his attorneys handled the legwork. There’s some human cover stuff like your license needs to be renewed, I think they said? But they were able to get an extension on that because you were out of the country and your passport was current.” He opened the door and let me go first.

  “Oh, thanks, yeah, I didn’t even think about that,” I muttered as I stepped into the fancy trailer, glancing around.

  “I heard you were busy surviving,” a smaller blond man who screamed money and importance said as he moved closer and extended his hand. “Theo Ashton.”

  “Councilman,” I greeted, dipping my head as we shook.

  “Theo’s fine when it’s not fancy, fancy time,” he chuckled but then frowned. “I get surviving through horror, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. It was before me, but I’m still on the council that failed you, and I promise to do what we can to fix as much as we can.”

  That sounded like more than me and Falcon, so I took a chance and stuck my neck out. “You mean those left of the coven? What’s happened to them? Are they safe now that we know it’s all a conspiracy and shit?”

  “We were able to offer ‘aid’ to their situation and get the sixty-four underage vampires from that coven somewhere safe
before they realized you and Falcon were alive and those kids were potential witnesses to too much,” he told me as he moved over to a table filled with piles of papers, flipping through a few. “That includes seventeen parents of young children. They were hidden at Councilwoman Aberdeen’s family estate, as no one would look there.

  “She was deeply concerned at the situation as well, and we’ve worked with her in the past. She can be trusted even if the West Coast Council is mostly shit. The rest we’re trying to track down, and the list Falcon gave us of those who ran on their own or MIA. There will be some we need you to confirm dead, alive, or unknown, but that’s not today. Today, I need you to sign for the bank account that’s been set up to receive your back wages.

  “I also need a list or you can use my laptop and just put what you most need in an Amazon cart so you can get supplies. Falcon talked with Zibon and handled that part yesterday, but no one could find you, I guess?”

  “I was qualifying with London what I could to actually pass my warrior training for real this time,” I filled in when he gave me a curious look. “I was told light duty and nothing else, so I figured handle the stuff I knew I could pass before figuring out how to learn the rest.”

  “Smart,” Evan mumbled. “I won’t take back my old position now that we’re here, but I have a bit of time during construction before the snow really sets in where I could handle you and Falcon for evasive maneuvers training. I know Matteo was hoping one of the younger warriors could take that over officially since now we’re going to be such a huge training hub.”

  “I’d appreciate that, thanks. Verge agreed to help us with rifles, as he’s going handle the sniper section, working with London on the split.”

  “Good, I’ll tell Matteo. He was starting to get together with others on what you guys got before you left. He and Dimitri are a bit overloaded with all the transfers.”

  “I feel you. I can fill in wherever, and Falcon’s always easier to deal with than I am.”

  “Good,” Ashton agreed, handing me a few pages. “That is the itemized table of how we came to the settlement amount you and Falcon are to be paid. If you agree, sign you understand, and I have the forms for the account and we’ll get it transferred.”

  I bobbed my head as he talked and then flipped through the pages, feeling a bit lightheaded when I saw the final number. I slowly sank onto the bench seat as my heart raced.

  Evan sat down next to me, moving his hand to my shoulder and giving a gentle squeeze. “It’s a lot, and it’s not a payoff.”

  “Of course not. Why would he think that?” Theo worried, glancing between us.

  “He’s never gotten any pay before, babe. He went as a post-trans, and they don’t get pay. He doesn’t know how this works.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize that. Okay, well, you handle the explanation to him and Falcon then. I just did the interest and stuff.”

  Evan chuckled as he stared after his mate who was already moving onto several other things probably. Then he rubbed my shoulder in a supportive, older brother sort of way. “You got the normal new warrior base pay that we all get for the first five years. You also got combat pay. That’s high. It’s nice for a mission here and there where you have to travel or spend a few weeks getting filled in or like when those guys came out to help Theo.

  “Normally that comes with breaks still. You and Falcon didn’t get those. You didn’t get time off that you were supposed to, so Theo did something that humans do for paid vacation time sort of thing. He added interest, as this is back pay. So yeah, the number comes out to be a lot. I will say the bonus we get for mission completed wasn’t added as—”

  “As we epically failed and hundreds died,” I chuckled bitterly, looking over the items as he explained them.

  “No, no , not what I was going to say. I was going to say there was no officially sanctioned council mission since you were misplaced in limbo. Bowie got a bonus for his mission to keep Theo alive and train the security I put into place. That was the official on paper assignment. Then those are completed, and if done well, we get a bonus.” He cleared his throat nervously. “I will say there is also a bonus per zakasac you kill on missions, so if you can—”

  “One thousand, three hundred and six,” I rasped, closing my eyes against the pain of finally saying the number. “I took out one thousand, three hundred and six zakasacs over almost a year and a half, and it was the only consolation, the only thing that kept me going was knowing I got more than got us.”

  “Could you repeat that number?” Theo whispered. My eyes popped open, and I saw him slowly lower the phone in his hand. “You killed over three hundred zakasacs ? Did I hear that right?”

  “No, he killed over thirteen hundred,” Evan muttered, his eyes full of awe. “I’d ask if you were shitting me because I can’t believe that number, but your face clearly says you are undoubtedly sure of that number.”

  I gave a slow nod. “Yeah, their faces haunt me just as much as those who I couldn’t save.” I saw the confusion in both their expressions, so I swallowed down my worry at what I was going to admit and just said it. “Those were once vampires. They were once like us. Fine, they are the bad guys now , but once they weren’t. It upset me to see that many choosing the other side. It upset me to melt their insides even if they were the bad guys. Yes, I know the number.”

  “You might have the highest kills of any warrior at our camp,” Evan admitted, and I jumped to my feet.

  “You think I want that distinction ? I don’t want to win a fucking trophy for ending life, even if they were the bad guys trying to kill us. I want people to focus on finding out how the fuck that many grouped together. How a nest of that size was fucking missed! How many were left that—”

  “Twenty-six,” Theo cut in. “We got the call from Wyrok headquarters that the two they dispatched to make sure the nest was taken out found twenty-six zakasacs remaining and handled them. You honestly almost got them all, Ellison. I don’t know if that helps or makes it worse, but it’s something I’d want to know.”

  “Yeah, thanks. I also think it’s all I can handle today,” I muttered, grabbing a pen from the table and quickly signing where the flag for my signature was.

  “I get that. One thing at a time,” he said with a sigh. He took those papers from me and gave me others for the account. Then he flinched and put the phone back to his ear. “Sorry, something I had to handle. I apologize for keeping you waiting.”

  I didn’t wait to hear the reply or get into what else was going on. I went to leave, and Evan reminded me about the stuff I needed to get.

  “Can I send you a wish list after I get a minute to breathe, think about what I need?” I asked, feeling too closed in at the moment.

  “Yeah, whatever you need.” He quickly wrote out the email address to share it with, and I got the heck out of there, ready to get to some manual labor even if I had to take it easy at it.

  I talked to Oli a bit and got a quick lesson in concrete and how things needed to be done, and he filled me in on why Aston’s trailer and setup were in Alastair’s subdivision and involved with the bug out tunnels. It seemed everyone was being smart and keeping together for safety’s sake instead of spread out on either side of the camp that could lead to bad things.

  Awesome. Not every vampire was an idiot after all.

  The setup was pretty cool and high tech to get things done fast. Sure, they were using one CAT scooper to dig out the tunnel, but they had a massive industrial vacuum thing that sucked up all the loosened dirt and shot it into the dump trucks. Those were being driven to the edges of the property, and the dirt would be used to build up the property line for the fence that was more than ten feet tall—according to the plans—would be put.

  As I said, impressive. These guys knew what they were doing. And they were really good at bossing around pre-trans. My group was shoveling out little areas, using the vacuum to get all of it, and getting edging boards in place to make the frames for the foundation. Worked f
or me because I was hopping between the two dump trucks as fast as I could. Flags were left for me to unload at, and I kept going down the line.

  When we took a break for lunch, I noticed I had a text and smiled as I took a few sandwiches from the post-trans who was in charge of making sure we were all fed. I sat away from everyone else, preferring some alone time with all I had going on, and unlocked my cell.

  While he’s lovely and my favorite ever, I miss you in my arms more. I’ll take it you’re not upset with me, and I’m smiling at that. Did everything work out okay?

  I smiled too. He was very careful to let me know I was more important than my parts, that I mattered, not just what he got from me.

  Yes. I got a bit overwhelmed going over the payout, and there was a bit of whispering about how you made Tadzio fly you as if you were being too untrusting of me. I didn’t take it as that. He was upsetting me, and with how upset I was last night, you want me to have a bit of peace, which I seriously appreciate. They’re making a big deal about how many zakasacs I killed, and I have a feeling that’s not going to be left alone, so yeah, that’s upsetting. The work is good today, and I appreciate the workouts.

  I was shocked when the phone buzzed a few seconds after I sent it.

  I’m thrilled you know me well enough to understand that’s why I did it. I didn’t even realize how it could be seen that other way. I’m sorry the settlement was hard for you, and no, they won’t let it go if you gave them a number of kills. Unfortunately, some wear it as a badge of honor, how much life they’ve taken, as that is the society we live in. Instead, I would rather people track how many lives they’ve saved. That should be celebrated more.

  I couldn’t have agreed more. I asked him if he was being safe, if everything was going okay as I stuffed my face, knowing we weren’t taking a long break for lunch. He was very cryptic, and I didn’t know if that was because it was text and those could be intercepted through cell towers, or if he wasn’t sure how I’d react to whatever he was doing.