Love's Neglect Read online

  “That’s true. I hadn’t thought about all of that.” There was a pause and then Dimitri sighed. “I don’t know. Something just rubs me the wrong way with him. Like he seemed cool letting off the straight guys, but then he doesn’t bother even trying to talk to anyone at meals?”

  “I checked into how many different camps he’s been at. Guess.”

  “How many?”

  “Eight.”

  “No shit?”

  “Seriously,” Matteo assured him. “I called Yuri and his mate pulled all the info.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with this guy that he can’t stay in one place? I mean, I’m not the best judge of age, but he didn’t seem older than you to me.”

  “He’s not. I’d say he’s about five hundred, less probably. Eight camps in that time is unreal.”

  “What’s his deal?”

  “He doesn’t play politics. He does the job and does it well, but doesn’t care if he pisses people off. He doesn’t come from a family name, so no one to back him when he does upset someone, and yeah, next thing he knows someone’s pushing him to transfer. Yuri said one of the times a councilman wanted him to mate his daughter. Roarke flat out said not a chance in hell, and the councilman flipped, started all kinds of problems, and the head of that camp said it was best Roarke transferred and got out of range.”

  “Damn. That’s not his fault. That councilman should be in trouble,” Dimitri bitched. “With luck like that, I’d be reading at dinner too instead of trying to make friends.”

  So would I.

  We kept on the run for a while, the conversation dying down as we picked up the pace, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about what I’d learned. Roarke had come from a similar background as I had. We had some common ground. I wanted to roll my eyes. Yeah, that would suddenly make him see me as someone worth paying attention to instead of his message deliverer.

  Idiot.

  The training took most of the day, and by the time we were done, I barely got to the challenge circle to see Roarke beat his third opponent. I sighed in relief when it was another straight warrior.

  “I can’t believe he’s won five fights today,” Lance muttered. “Seven spots in one day.”

  “Five?” I hissed, my eyes going wide. “He only challenged three.”

  “No, two of those conceded because they’re transferring to cushier jobs once some of us graduate to warriors,” he explained. “This last guy’s being reassigned too but he wasn’t giving up his rank for whatever reason. Roarke’s gone through Gilroy, Evan, Drake, and Philo already today.”

  My heart sank—they were all gay. God, he was getting lots of sex, and with the way he looked and how good he was at it, he’d have a line wanting him to do them again. I shook my head. I’d gotten the warrior ranked at seventeen and thirteen mixed up.

  “Impressive,” I whispered, totally in awe of Roarke. “He’s moved up to thirteenth in two days.”

  “I know, right? This guy’s a rock star in my book,” Lance gushed. “You should have seen the sex. I about creamed my shorts. He’s like a god.”

  I turned around and walked away, heading to the cafeteria before everyone else. I wasn’t sorry I missed it. I didn’t want to see him have sex with anyone else but me. Then again, I wanted to see him naked again. Double-edged sword for sure.

  I grabbed my food and sat at one of the back tables with a pile of manuals to study. I was about halfway through memorizing the first one with my photographic memory all vampires had when I heard a tray clank down a few chairs down but across from me.

  “What are you reading?” a deep voice asked, one that made me shiver again.

  I glanced up and met Roarke’s deep green eyes. “Schematics for the drones and systems we have. Rune said now that I aced the flying simulations and have logged enough hours watching him pilot them, if I pass his written test, he’ll certify me to be able to operate them.”

  Roarke nodded, eyeing me curiously. “You like to learn, don’t you?”

  “That’s what I’m here to do.” I shrugged. I realized how closed off that sounded, so I decided to do better, considering he was trying. “I’m eclectic in what I like. The weapons interest me but so does all the tech stuff. I also like the general post-trans training Matteo teaches us and the ops lessons with Helios. It makes it hard to focus on a specialty or really figure out what job I want like the other post-trans have already planned out.”

  He didn’t say anything, simply nodded which made me think I’d said something stupid again. We ate for a while, both of us reading our own stuff, but then he spoke. “I think that will make you a better warrior, Wally. You’re going in flexible and wanting to know about all of it, ready for all the aspects of the job. Too many of the young warriors I’ve seen get tunnel vision and fall in love with one part of a larger picture. It can lead to burning out.”

  “That makes sense, thanks.” Then I thought of something. “Can I ask why you’re so focused on getting a certain job if you think a good warrior works all of them?”

  “Yeah, that’s fair,” he chuckled, setting down his book and leaning back in his chair. “I’ve had most of them. I’m always willing to jump in and help out where it’s needed, adaptable and cool with that, but I have a hard time doing the same thing day in and day out like Dimitri or Matteo’s job. That kind of training would drive me crazy. I like being on the front lines and getting out of the camp. I get why we’re remote and the need to be, but if I don’t get out of the camp I’m at and stretch my legs on escort missions, I lose it.”

  “I never thought of it that way,” I muttered as I poked at my baked ziti. “Maybe that comes when you’re trained and more experienced, but for now, to me, the idea of walking past the gates scares the shit out of me. Here I’m safe and still learning. The moment I’m out there, everything’s real and not hypothetical anymore. Someone’s life could really depend on me then and I want to make sure I’m ready. I wasn’t once before.”

  “But you survived obviously,” he pushed gently.

  “Only because Yuri was there cutting down Zakasacs for us to finish off. He was amazing. I was scared out of my mind.”

  “We’re all scared when the shit hits the fan, Wally. The part that makes us warriors is we keep going anyways and don’t hide. Did you fight or did you hide?”

  “I fought,” I answered, meeting his gaze. “He told us we could stay inside, that we hadn’t had enough training yet. I’d just transitioned a few weeks before and had only had a couple lessons with a sword.”

  “So why did you go with him?”

  I blinked at him a moment, not understanding the question. “How could I not? We had no idea how many there were. I could help even if I wasn’t that prepared. Yuri shouldn’t have had to go at it alone if someone else was there that had any training at all. I wasn’t going to hide.”

  He smiled widely and nodded. “As I said, that’s what will make you a good warrior, Wally.”

  “Thanks, Roarke.” I cleared my throat and scooped up some food. “Congrats on your wins today. Everyone’s talking about how you’re already thirteenth.”

  “Everyone would talk no matter where I was at,” he sighed, looking tired. “It’s part of transferring in. I’ll be the new kid here for a while, constantly having to prove myself over and over again no matter how old I am or what’s on my resume.”

  “I don’t know about other camps, but they’re not like that here,” I hedged, shooting another glance at him. He frowned and shook his head. “No, really. They’re good guys here, Roarke. Loyal. We’ve had a lot of crap go down and they stick together, protect our own. You picked a good camp to come to.”

  “I hope so. It would be nice to find a loyal one for a change.”

  “You’ll see. You have their backs and they’ll have yours.”

  He shrugged and we went back to eating and reading, not saying another word. When I was done, he was deep into his book and I didn’t want to interrupt him, so I left without a word, t
aking my tray to the dishwashing station and sending it through. I really felt like Matteo was right, especially after my conversation with Roarke, and he’d gotten several raw deals. He just needed a fresh start and people to have his back.

  But didn’t we all at some point in time in our lives?

  * * * *

  The next morning the post-trans met up with Matteo in the challenge circle for our own sword lessons. We had just paired up and started practicing some of the moves he’d been working on teaching us when Roarke jumped down into the pit with us.

  “Shit, what time does this class run until?” he hissed, glancing around before focusing on Matteo. “I checked the training schedule outside Dimitri’s office before Shane and I set up a time for our challenge.”

  “Orange is pre-trans and that’s by Dimitri’s office. Yellow is the post-trans schedule and that’s outside my office a few doors down from his,” Matteo explained. “Does Shane have something going on today?”

  “Yeah, he’s on an escort run in a couple of hours so we had to do it early,” Roarke hedged.

  Matteo nodded. “All right. Tell you what, we’ll take a break from class for your challenge if you call out your moves after you do them during it so my students can see them in action and you skip your sex with Shane afterwards so we can get back to our work.”

  My heart fluttered and I wanted to kiss Matteo for having Roarke miss a chance at sex with someone else.

  “Done,” Roarke agreed, holding out his hand to Matteo. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

  Matteo shook it and smiled. “I appreciate you getting all the challenges out of the way. Most of us do. It’s a pain having the jobs all screwed up for too many days in a row.”

  “I hear you.” They dropped hands and Roarke blinked at him a moment. “You’ve had to transfer in before, huh? Guys who’ve done it aren’t such dicks to me normally.”

  “That and I had a friend pull your file,” Matteo chuckled.

  Roarke’s eyebrows shot up to his forehead. “And you’re still speaking to me?”

  Matteo shrugged and gestured us to get out of the pit. “We don’t play politics all that well out here either. We don’t have to being one of the more remote camps. As far as any of us are concerned, you’re just a warrior who walked in here with a clean slate the second he passed through our gate.”

  “Thanks. I’ll try and remember that,” Roarke muttered, glancing up when Shane arrived. “I’ll be quick to get out of your way.”

  “Confident, I like it,” Matteo chuckled, clapping Roarke on the back. He cleared his throat and stepped away, glancing up towards us. I followed his eyes and saw they were locked with his not-too-happy-looking mate, Nate.

  Moments later, Matteo was up out of the circle, and over about thirty yards away from the rest of us, having a heated discussion with Nate about something. At least I didn’t have to worry about those two in line for wanting to play with Roarke on top of everyone else.

  “Good, at least I don’t have to worry about them wanting to try something with Roarke,” Lance muttered, looking at Matteo and Nate as I did. “I have way too much fun being invited into their bed now and again.”

  “Don’t you want more?” I hedged, shocked he’d actually brought it up for once. It was a closed subject normally.

  “I thought I did but I think I was just lost, confused with the stuff that had been going on with my dad,” he admitted, turning back to the circle and watching Roarke and Shane quickly stretch out. “Now that my father’s sentence has been carried out, I feel this weight lifted, like I’m free of all his shit and the shit that comes with my last name. I don’t know. I do know that while I love getting naked with Matteo and Nate, especially Matteo, they love each other, and I won’t settle for third. I want something real of my own one day.”

  “So you’re getting some wild fun out of the way while you let the other chaos in your life ease,” I surmised, kind of understanding the perspective a bit better when he put it like that.

  “Yeah, that’s actually a good way to put it. I hadn’t thought of it much like that, but yeah. I’m just having fun until I’m ready to meet Mr. Right or he comes along.”

  “Don’t you worry you’ll miss meeting him because you’re just having fun?”

  “Naw. If he’s really my Mr. Right, then he’ll get the idea of having fun too and he wouldn’t judge,” Lance answered easily.

  It must have been nice to feel so certainly about something so important, to have such conviction. I didn’t have that. I worried I’d miss my Mr. Right because I blended in too easily or I’d find him and I’d have messed up in some way, either by not being ready for him, or not what he had expected, and if I had just done what I should have, what fate had designed for me to do, we would have been blissfully happy.

  But then we weren’t and it was all my fault. I screwed us both. Those were my nightmares and fears.

  Yeah, I probably needed to have a little less crazy for breakfast or maybe around me sometimes. Either way, I occasionally had this feeling I was in one spot and I needed to be like ten feet over from where I was in life or I was going to be off the path to happiness, and if I didn’t correct my trajectory now, I’d never make it back there.

  Roarke’s booming voice pulled me out of my whirling thoughts as he called out the first move he’d just made. It was awesome to watch a fight this way, study him in live time and see if I could identify what thrust or block he used before he said it. Plus, it was good to see how he adapted the positions to his own style.

  Yes, my mind moved straight to the gutter the second I had any thoughts of positions and his style. I didn’t even realize it until my cock went hard against the railing. It didn’t help that Roarke’s voice alone affected me.

  I also counted the moves for some odd reason. I wasn’t sure why, but once he started calling them out, I just kept track. He won in under twenty moves. Shane took a knee and Roarke clapped him on the shoulder.

  “You’re off the hook. Matteo gave us the space even though I screwed up with the training schedules because you have to go, but he’s got a class.”

  “Yeah, thanks,” Shane panted, nodding. “I’m also kinda seeing someone and that wouldn’t have gone over well.”

  Roarke held up his hands in front of him. “I don’t do messy.” He jogged towards the break in the railings, stopping to grab his shirt and water before jumping out of the pit. I was already running over towards him to talk to him and hadn’t realized how far he’d come up instead of just over the lip—which meant I crashed into him. “Whoa, hey, Wally.” He caught me by the shoulders as I bounced off him.

  “Sorry,” I muttered, blinking and shaking my head. Running into him was sort of like hitting a wall of muscle head on… But harder. Wow.

  “Did you want something besides to touch my sweaty body?” Roarke drawled.

  “Huh?” I looked at his eyes and he glanced down. I dropped my own eyes and saw my hands were splayed out on his abs, bracing myself against him. “Oh, that’s the wall I just crashed into. Jesus, they’re like iron. Mine aren’t that solid. How do you get them like that?” It wasn’t even sexual when I moved my hands around, feeling how hard and strong they were.

  Roarke’s knee came up a bit and he pulled away, laughing. “Yeah, that’s my hip, Wally.”

  “Are you ticklish there?” I accused, biting back a smirk.

  He frowned and stepped closer. “You tell anyone and I’ll pound you.”

  I, however, stepped away, shocked at the one-eighty he pulled. It wasn’t exactly bullying or threatening, but it wasn’t exactly playing anymore. “No one would care, Roarke. I wouldn’t tell. I was just teasing you.”

  “Fine.” His shoulders relaxed as he yanked on his shirt. “I can give you my abs workout later if you want.”

  “No, no thanks, I’m fine.” I spun away, not liking this side of him, but he grabbed my arm and turned me back.

  “What did you come to talk to me about, Wally?”
<
br />   I shrugged, but then he raised an eyebrow at me and I melted. I was weak like that. “I just wanted to tell you that you won in less than twenty moves, eighteen actually. I wasn’t sure if you were counting, but I did. Do you know if that’s your average? I think it would be cool to know if like warriors had an average in their wins, how many moves it took, and if that percentage goes up drastically or not per spot they move up. I mean, eighteen moves to get to the twelfth spot? Maybe that’s like a record?”

  Roarke stared into my eyes as he squeezed my arm before letting it go. Then he moved even closer and shook his head. “You’re something else, Wally. I don’t know any of that. I don’t keep track, but it would be cool to know. You should talk to Alexander and see what he thinks. Maybe he would approve it as a research project for the post-trans. Have non-challenge fights between ranks just for them to study how many and what moves they use between levels.”

  “That’s brilliant. I didn’t think of that.”

  “You did,” he chuckled, mirth filling his eyes. “You just didn’t realize that’s where you were heading. You needed a push to that next step.” Then he frowned. “Sorry I said I’d pound you. I wouldn’t have. I just don’t want to give anyone fuel to the new-kid gossip.”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you,” I muttered, glancing away.

  “I know. I just reacted. Sorry.” He cleared his throat and then I flinched when I felt his hand on my stomach. My eyes went wide as he lifted my shirt and touched my abs. “You’re doing pretty good yourself here. How long since your transition? Six months?”

  “Yeah, almost a year.” I tried to ignore the way my cock filled, hoping he missed it.

  He leaned in and whispered like he was telling me the greatest secret ever and I knew he saw me shiver. “The trick is more leg lifts and upside-down crunches and twists than just sit-ups. I’ll show you my routine after I’m done with all my challenges if we’re cool again.”