Love's Suspicion Page 3

  “Are you only interested because you can’t hurt me?” he asked under his breath as if saying it any louder would anger me.

  “No. I thought about that already, and no, that’s not why. Yes, it’s why I’d try, but your eyes are what pulled me in. You smirking at me in the infirmary and sneaking out like a dick pulled me in because it was what I’d do. Kissing you, yeah, I thought you were saying we were safe, so get sex when we could, but that kiss, that kiss was hot .” I moved so he raised his head, wanting to see his eyes. “I’m not ruined, but I’m broken, Seneca. You don’t know the half of it all.”

  “No, but I have thousands of years you don’t know, either,” he murmured, leaning in closer. “I have abandonment issues and trust issues, and sometimes I get a bit clingy because I don’t understand social situations and—there are reasons I stay to myself. But if I get involved, it’s real. If it’s not leading a human off for sex and a bite, I get involved, Ellison.”

  “You feed from humans?” I whispered, hearing what else he said but hitting the brakes on that.

  “Yes,” he sighed, leaning away and then flopping back to the bed. “It’s a huge mess that some councils have outlawed that. I know my friends will teach their lovers or mates. I know other warriors have or will as well. It’s dangerous not to know how. It’s councils trying to make those under their jurisdiction sheep and too dependent on them instead of showing them the right way for emergencies and so there are never accidents.”

  “We were told it was so we couldn’t ever become zakasacs ,” I murmured, always thinking that was bullshit.

  He lifted his head and rolled his eyes. “You’re smart enough to know one accidental draining won’t make that happen. You’ve sat on the line of right and wrong, and you know one moment, one instance won’t make you go bad. It’s a state of mind. It’s selling your soul and losing all of your humanity. This is something completely different and idiots trying to force complacency on those under them and instead pushing them to the other side.”

  I agreed, thrilled I’d found someone who agreed on so much of what I did and willing to fight for it like he was. He was full of fire, and not just that he had the power to do something about it, but wanted to. I realized I was crawling over him when heat filled his eyes and he lowered his head back to the pillow.

  “Promise you won’t kick me out if I’m shit in bed?” I asked, worrying about that after so long of not touching anyone and only being with Tadzio who really liked to do all the work and just be selfish with what he wanted, not giving me a chance to come into my own.

  He nodded. “Promise you won’t think less of me as Wyrok if I tell you I want you to take me and take me hard?”

  “I won’t. You just have to show me what to do since I’ve never done that before.”

  “I could ride you after sucking you because you are a big, big boy where it counts.”

  “How do you know that?” I asked, floored he did or guessed that.

  He chuckled deeply. “I was evil and watched as Sam got you into the gown. He was worried with you taking a shot to the head like that, and given the bad shape you were in, that he’d have to put in a catheter.”

  I opened and closed my mouth a few times before shaking my head. “I don’t know if I’m flattered you were so interested you’d be that devious, or think I should run out of here because I’m not sure both of us should be as crazy as we are if that’s how you check out cock.” I gasped as he flipped us so he was on top, my heart racing as a wide grin formed on his lips.

  “You debate that one while I suck you off then.”

  What was there to say to that? I simply nodded. I really wanted my first blow job from someone thousands of years old and would know how to give one.

  While I ignored my resentment that it was my first blow job and Tadzio had never given me one, so focused on getting in my ass he never took that sort of time with me. And he tried to run his mouth that he cared for me? Yeah, right.

  He teased the elastic of my running pants, and all thoughts of anyone else or anything that had ever happened before were gone. Then he stared up at me and licked his lips. “Take off your shirt?”

  I cleared my throat and actually crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve not filled out like I should be at my age. I’d rather not.”

  His lust cooled it, but he gave me a soft smile. “You still look wonderful, Ellison. I’ll help you get better, okay? There’s nothing wrong with your body. If you want to grow into a hulking man, I can make you any program for whatever you want. I think you’re gorgeous as you are, though. I will say that as much as I want to feel you pounding into me, I don’t think you should until you’ve got a few more days of eating as you should under your belt.”

  “Okay,” I agreed after a moment and took off my shirt. I wasn’t small. I wasn’t sure someone could be small at six-eight, but I was definitely too lean for my frame.

  He smiled at me as he ran his hand over my not ripped but simply too thin stomach. “You’re good looking, but I might swoon if you had an eight pack.”

  “Okay,” I echoed, bobbing my head this time at least. God, I was such a goober. Here I’d started all this shit, so sure of myself, and all it took was a gorgeous guy to take off my shirt and give me a compliment and I turned into a dorky teenager.

  The only miracle I’d made it through college was sex was off the table, as being gay in college football wouldn’t have worked well for me. Maybe some could now, and yeah, I was happy for them. But I hadn’t been strong enough to do it since I’d needed that scholarship to make something of myself.

  “Where did you go?” he asked, his hands pausing in pulling off my pants. I told him, and he frowned. “Are you not into this if you’re thinking of schooling?”

  “No, um, that’s not it at all,” I assured him, realizing there would be some nuances of the current decade or my generation he wouldn’t get. I filled him in on the stereotype that college athletes were all about sex and my lack of it was almost comical. “That and it seems like it was a whole other person who lived that life, you know? I don’t even see that guy anymore.”

  “No offense to that guy because I’m sure he was great, but I like the guy in front of me,” he murmured, giving me an understanding smile. “I hate what you went through, but I wouldn’t change you for anything, Ellison.”

  “El,” I whispered, touched by what he said. “My friends call me El.”

  “El, I like it.” He yanked down my pants off my hips, smiling as my cock practically slapped his face to greet him. “Nice. Very, very nice.”

  Yeah, I had a huge, fat dick. One good thing about shooting up to be so massive during my transition was I’d gotten the mammoth cock. “Good thing I never juiced in college, right?”

  He blinked at me in confusion, and I waved it off. It was a stupid joke anyways because using steroids and the side effects really weren’t funny. I rarely was funny . More bitter and cynical.

  I had reason to be.

  He didn’t dance around, instead, taking the head into his mouth and sucking like a damn industrial vacuum. It was like warm, wet heaven. He smirked at me as I moaned and teased my balls as he took good care of me.

  “Do you want me to swallow or come on me for lube?” he asked after he pulled off me, his hand still pleasing me.

  My nostrils flared as his meaning sunk in. Then he’d smell like me. He’d smell like me and our sex, letting anyone else sniffing around him know that he was involved. “On you.”

  “Good.” He went back to it with renewed vigor, liking my answer it seemed. I had to warn him I was close way too fast, and he simply winked at me as if it was no big deal.

  I didn’t feel like it was with him. He was that sort of understanding guy.

  I wanted that in my life.

  He actually didn’t have me finish on him or swallow, explaining after I experienced the orgasm of my life. “It was so much fun I thought I’d do it again and get myself ready with the spunk from the first round
.”

  “Fuck, be clingy if you spoil me like this,” I groaned, staring over his now naked body as he took my hard cock in his mouth. We’d gotten all the clothes off during the short duration blow job, which I’d blame on him being awesome and not my lack of skills.

  Sure, that was how it worked.

  “Sen, Sen, fuck, fuck, don’t stop, Sen, I’m almost there,” I chanted after way too fast again. Watching him stretch himself while blowing me was overwhelming. I mean, his gorgeous eyes filled with heat, completely focused on mine just… Yeah, just flat did it for me. I cried out his name as I finished again, my hand fisting in his dark hair. I didn’t realize until I came back down that I’d been rude. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

  “I’m not against you shoving my head onto you,” he assured me as he licked his lips. “As long as you realize it’s something we both like and not like a cheap fling thing.”

  “No, not cheap,” I promised as he moved to straddle my hips. “Come here.” He raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer. I grabbed his head again and kissed him silly, showing him I meant every word. I went to roll us, but he stopped me.

  “You’re on light duty, and I’m selfish for wanting this so badly when you should rest more,” he murmured against my lips. “Hold that monster for me.”

  I did, moaning as he sat on me, my body overloading at feeling something so amazing. My eyes went wide at how good it felt, and I was barely inside him… And he gave me that smirk again, as if knowing he was rocking my world.

  Good for him because he was right.

  “Shit, shit , you are so huge,” he groaned, rocking his hips and taking more of me. “Please don’t ever tell how much I long for this and someone who wants to stick it in me and not just anyone. It’s one of those things that’s so un-ancient for some stupid reason.”

  “That is stupid,” I agreed, nodding I wouldn’t tell. “I don’t give a shit who thinks which of us does what as long as you’re not embarrassed with me .”

  “No, never,” he promised, leaning over and nibbling on my lower lip. “I can’t think of a single reason anyone would ever not be proud to be yours.”

  I growled, liking the sound of that. “You better be mine now that I’ve seen how amazing you are, or I will be pissed .”

  He gasped as his ass touched my thighs, his eyelids fluttering he liked it so much. Then he met my gaze, smirking. “Don’t bitch if I get clingy when you say that during our first time.”

  “I won’t.” Well, at least I hoped not, but I had a feeling he thought clingy was just wanting to be in a relationship, and if a person wasn’t interested in that, yeah, it would be clingy.

  I, however, was interested.

  “Good because I can give you lots no other man can,” he murmured, heat and something else in his eyes. I didn’t even have time to ask before he showed me what he meant.

  Or if I was very, very lucky, he showed me only part of it.

  His hips moved so fast, way faster than any human ever could. Way faster than any vampire or warrior could. Hell, I had warrior vision, and I couldn’t even keep up with them, a total blur that almost made me dizzy. I was able to grab his dick, and with his movements I worked him just as fast. He whimpered and came all over me, never slowing down.

  “Again,” I snarled, digging my fingers into his thigh. “I want it on me again, Sen.”

  “Yes, fuck, yes , shit, you are perfect,” he gasped, pinching my nipples where his hands had been resting. “Shit, I swear I like you for more than your monster cock, but fuck, do I love your cock. I’ve never rode a cock this amazing.”

  It was hard to keep up with what he said, as I had no blood in my brain, and it came out in grunts or gasps, but when I did, I was glad he said it. He did sort of make it seem like the best part of me was my cock.

  He came again, and I was proud I could hold out that long with how it felt. Then again, he’d taken the edge off me twice. I bit my lip to keep from screaming my head off as my orgasm rocked my body. Sen kept going until I stopped twitching, smiling down at me as we both panted for air.

  “Yeah, you can do what others can’t,” I gasped, returning his grin.

  “So can you with that monster,” he chuckled, leaning over and kissing me. “Any objection to doing that often?”

  “Not at all,” I purred, using him being distracted to my advantage to flip us, smirking when he yelped. “But I refuse to be a lover who takes and takes only. You deserve better than that.”

  “Thank you,” he breathed, and I saw some of the pain only the past could give someone leave his eyes. Granted, there was a lot there—for both of us—but it was nice to do something to help instead of bully for once.

  I was still hard, which amazed me as well. Moving my hands to his hips, I pulled him to me as I thrust forward, giving him all I could.

  “Hey, you’re recouping,” he murmured, cupping my cheek. “Wanna spoil me with something sweet?”

  “Yeah, that sounds perfect,” I agreed, taking his hands in mine and moving them on either side of his head as I changed to long, slow thrusts. He wrapped his legs around me and met my body each time as we kissed each other like our lives depended on it. “You’re mine now, Sen.”

  “I am, and I like the nickname.”

  “Good.” I hadn’t even realized I’d been saying it until he told me that, but I was glad he was happy. We finished together, and my vision got a bit fuzzy. “Shit, wait, give me a minute and I’ll clean you up.”

  “No, I think you’re done,” he chuckled, kissing my neck as I slumped against him. “I didn’t mean to be so selfish, but you are too perfect.”

  “So are you,” I murmured, wanting to say more, have better pillow talk, but darkness took me before I could even pull out of him or worry I was crushing him.

  Screaming tore through my dream, and I realized it wasn’t the dream as I jumped out of bed so fast I tripped all over the sheets. I was at the door before I even realized I was naked, yelling when steel bands of arms grabbed me from behind.

  “El, it’s me,” Seneca shouted when I struggled against him. “El, El , it’s okay!”

  “It was Falcon,” I argued, my gaze darting all around as I tried to get caught up. I wasn’t in Quebec. I was in Wyoming. In Sen’s room.

  “Yes, a nightmare,” he murmured, kissing my back. “Gaius is there now. I can hear him, okay? It woke you and—”

  “I thought it was Quebec,” I rasped, sinking against him. “Are we really safe? Finally? No more constantly being surrounded by death? No running into it all when everyone else was running away? I’m not handling it all alone anymore? No more of every death on my head because I was supposed to kill the zakasacs, and any killed coven members it’s my fault?”

  “Oh, lovely, it was never your fault.” He turned me around and moved his hands to either side of my face. “It was never your fault. You should never have been there, and you saved as many as you could, more than so many warriors could. You have to know that, El.”

  “There was less than a hundred left, Sen,” I choked out, hugging him tightly. “We lost so, so many. All the families broken. Kids without parents. I let so many become orphans like me. Mates losing mates. Parents losing children. All of it on me. Months of it all being on me. The looks that I failed them all. I failed them all.”

  “You didn’t,” he murmured over and over as he led me to bed. He settled us down and let me break down sobbing against his chest as he held me and I finally could. Too long of using sheer stubbornness and emotional duct tape to keep it together through all the pain, suffering, and abuse to my own body and self, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

  It felt I lost it all for hours over the man I barely knew but knew I wanted to be with before I fell back asleep. And good sleep. I was out, and it was that deep sleep where it really helped everything and was so needed.

  Unfortunately, I woke alone.

  At first, I didn’t want to admit it, awake but not wanting to open my eye
s when I realized I was alone in the bed and room. Finally I did, knowing I hadn’t set an alarm or anything. My eyes landed on the paper left on his side of the bed… On top of a notebook?

  Can’t be ditching me if there’s a note, right? I thought it was a winning theory.

  My Lovely El,

  First, I apologize for the note and if I worried you I snuck out of bed for some untoward reason. Nothing could be further from the truth, and nothing would have pleased me more than spending more time in bed with you. But a situation we’ve been keeping an eye on has worsened, and it’s been agreed to handle it as only we can with our gift. When you see in the news there was an outbreak of Ebola, that was me. (Don’t worry, they will have deserved it many times over.)

  I did wish to give you a proper goodbye, but honestly, you didn’t wake through Alastair coming to speak with me nor all my preparations to leave, so I felt it best you get the rest you so obviously need. I promise to return as soon as I possibly can, but until then, your encrypted phone all the warriors of the camp have is waiting for you at ops. I spoke with Alastair, and because I know you worry for your friend, Falcon is also being squared away.

  Alastair has handled everything with him and with your lack of bank accounts to receive your back pay. I have asked Councilman Ashton’s people to take over, as both Alastair and I had to leave on different missions, and I heard from Ashton’s mate, Evan, that he quite likes you and you always got along. So please see them after ops.

  I also spoke to Dimitri, and as I’ve ordered you to be on light duty—as a medical professional, not an overbearing lover—he will have a team of pre-trans ready for you to boss around. You can drive trucks, and they need that help for the bug out tunnels in the new subdivision while overseeing the pups who will help lay foundations for them. Oli is one of the construction team leaders, and that is who you’ll be working with.

  The notebook is me being an overbearing lover—but hopefully you won’t mind—and I outlined an exercise and meal plan to recover faster, fill out as YOU said you wanted. And I want you happy, so I worked out one for you. It’s for the next month, but I should be back long before that.