Love's Suspicion

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  Ellison was completely forgotten, some side note to the warriors at the Nowhere, WY camp and people he’d trained with. A vague memory some thought to check in with, but that was it… But to him, they were clearly saying he wasn’t worth checking on or saving.

  Back after the hellish assignment in Quebec, all he wants is answers and people punished for what happened there and to him. And he really wants his past with Tadzio to stop adding to his pain. Having a gift that kills, one he had to use too many times, weighs on him enough.

  The only hope he has that his past won’t eat him is an ancient at the camp, Seneca, who has the same gift as him. Even if he’s now suspicious of just about everyone, this one man seems to be able to easily vault that wall he’s put up to protect himself. The real question is—can Ellison forgive himself enough to open up and accept what this stranger offers him and heal his heart?

  1

  “I wouldn’t talk to you when I first saw you or the whole flight, so what makes you think I’ll actually talk to you now when you corner me in public?” I asked Tadzio the day we got back to Nowhere, WY and he confronted me in the middle of the cafeteria. “You are still such a selfish prick.”

  “I’m not selfish,” he snapped. “I’m worried about you, El. You’re like a whole new person.”

  I blinked at him, clearly giving a look that said no shit, but I wasn’t going to poke at him when I knew Falcon wanted to keep a low profile and have a moment to breathe. I could give my friend at least that after all we’d been through and how many times I’d been a bastard and completely lashed out at him when none of it was his fault.

  It was mine for not having listened to him that we should have walked to the Quebec coven and called for help that day. So much would have been different then. Maybe so many people would still be alive. But I’d been a dick, practically bullying him into getting in the vehicle.

  And my asshole way of handling stress was to bully him too often.

  “Will you stop ignoring me?” Tadzio shouted, bringing me back to the conversation. I hadn’t even realized I’d taken a time out there mentally. “What is it, El? Did you meet someone else? You fuck someone else and I’m totally forgotten?”

  Okay, I had meant to not engage, but unfortunately he went right for pouring salt on one of my worst wounds. “You act like you matter , Tadzio. You seriously believe I’ve been pining for you this whole time? Get over yourself, asshole. It wasn’t anyone else that made me move way, way past you. It was you. You’re selfish. You’re demanding. You’re downright demeaning at times, and I dumped you long before I left, so I’m no concern of yours anymore.”

  “I know you love me.”

  “ Loved you. Now I don’t really care enough to bother with this fight to prove I hate you,” I corrected, annoyance in my tone. “You’re not worth loving or pining over. If your ego wasn’t so overinflated, you’d get that.”

  I swallowed a flinch as he threw his tray at me in response, ignoring the hot soup practically searing my shirt to me. I ignored the mess and simply raised an eyebrow at him.

  “Yes, throwing a tantrum and making a mess will certainly show you’re not a selfish prick. Then again, if your prick was any good or half as good as you think it was, maybe I wouldn’t have ever dumped you, as I knew even as a virgin you were lacking.”

  He clocked me good enough that I felt like my jaw shoved into my brain, my head moving but not throwing me down to the ground, which I saw pissed him off. I caught Falcon out of the corner of my eye, and that was why I didn’t punch back. I simply met Tadzio’s gaze as if to say anything else? He stormed off, and I caught the way Falcon quickly grabbed food and left, cursing my shit was upsetting him again.

  It was the reason I didn’t flee the scene too. I was going to transfer soon enough. Fuck everyone there. I wasn’t running from them or their bullshit.

  However, I was in worse shape than Falcon because I’d not eaten in so long, and most everything I couldn’t keep down because of guilt. I loaded up a tray with easy foods—crackers, chicken noodle soup, and peppermint tea. It was hard to eat it slowly, as I just wanted to inhale it.

  The moment I was finished, another tray was set in front of me where I sat in the far corner of the cafeteria staring outside. I blinked at it and looked up into the darkest purple eyes I’d ever seen. Not eggplant but darker than orchid, like a deep plum. I realized he’d said something, and I shook myself out of his eyes I’d gotten lost in. “Sorry?”

  “You hurt from your malnutrition, and the tea is good; crackers can be a bit buttery or over salted,” he said, studying me closely. “Chicken soup is a staple for flu, but your condition is more severe.” He nodded to what was on the tray. “Bananas are best, smashed on toast even better. Plain rice or a bit of sauce or butter after you’ve gotten a few meals in you is fine. Applesauce is good too. I would say to eat as much of that as you can for snacks.”

  “Okay, thanks,” I accepted, studying him as he did me. He was old. I could feel it somehow.

  “I’m a healer. I promise I’m not just getting this off the internet or anything.”

  “No, it’s cool, thanks. I’m letting what I had set for a bit, spacing it out and all of that.”

  He cocked his head a bit. “Are you worried you might throw it back up after so long of malnourishment?” I gave a slow nod, not thinking of any reason to deny it when he seemed to be completely onto me. “Add ginger ale then but not cold. Let it come to room temperature. Same with sports drinks. You need a lot of all.”

  “Yeah, yeah I do.” I glanced down at the food when he opened his mouth, looking like he was going to ask questions I didn’t want to answer.

  “I’ll leave you to it then. Welcome home, young warrior.”

  “I’m not a warrior, and this was never my home. I never have had a home,” I rasped after he was gone, the tears burning in my eyes shocking me because I’d assumed I’d been through too much to cry. Falcon would have said it was that I felt safe now, but I didn’t. What we’d been through wasn’t over. This was the false security before the next shit started. We’d survived the conspiracy, and those guys never lived long.

  I thought it was finally getting some liquids in that didn’t immediately come back out in battle or fortifying the coven estate.

  Either way, I kept my head down and did as the stranger said, taking things slow and actually just staying in the cafeteria through and after dinner too, ignoring any who tried to talk to me. I had swung by the library on the way to the cafeteria and picked out a few books, glad a
t least they didn’t get damaged from Tadzio’s hissy fit. I read until well after the cafeteria was cleaned up and closed for the night, still picking and refueling.

  Ignoring all the whispers and shit said about me. I was used to that.

  I packed a bunch of supplies for my room, not looking forward to sleep even though I was completely sleep deprived.

  Ghosts of the dead I’d failed always got me then.

  The next morning, I was scheduled to meet with Alexander bright and early. I had spent a while debating where to get sent and ended up picking France. Yuri was a good guy, always nice to us when we were trainees. His mate was shaking things up and pissing people off by rooting out corruption in his area, and that sounded like something I wanted to be part of.

  “Ellison, good morning,” Alexander greeted when I moved into the open doorway. “Have a seat. I want to discuss your new position now that you’re back and—”

  I couldn’t believe it. He was going to act like nothing happened. I lost my mind for a bit, not caring he could squash me like a bug. The shit was going to hit the fan, and I’d rather just get it over with. I cut into what he was saying and took the steps to his desk, slamming down my transfer and letting him see in my eyes just how much I hated him.

  He met the stare, curious and studying me. I swallowed a flinch. Right, he could sense the caliber of people. I didn’t think I’d rank very high on whatever scale he used or got, and that would have gutted me even more than everything else going on. I spun on my heel and reached the doorway before he reacted.

  “Ellison, sit down,” he ordered. “We need to talk.”

  Again, I admit I lost my mind. I flipped him off over my shoulder and kept going. “I don’t care. There’s my answer to anything you want to discuss. Let me know when I’m leaving again.”

  Needless to say, he followed me, and it didn’t go well. I outed everything, including what they had sent us into. Rage and hurt no one knew and those who did didn’t care about us like they should have, like we deserved.

  I didn’t see Alexander’s punch coming, but nothing had ever hit me so hard when I wasn’t ready like that. Hell, I thought it probably snapped my head right off, so I was pretty shocked when I woke sometime later in the infirmary, fear shooting through me when I saw Falcon was there too. After the extra shit I’d said to him, pissed he wouldn’t stand up with me and back me no matter how I’d gone about it, I wouldn’t have thought he would be anywhere near me.

  Which was better because him being near me and what I was could be way too dangerous for him. It was also why I’d been such an ass to him, pushing him away so when the other shoe dropped, it would start with me and he wasn’t next to me.

  The other shocking thing was Tadzio standing there holding my hand like a concerned loved one. A few words from me, and he stormed off again.

  Fine by me.

  I understood why Falcon was telling them what really happened when he said Dimitri had asked. Hell, he was the only fucking reason we’d survived what we had, so for his sake, for the debt I owed him, I calmly filled in what I knew too… Especially when Falcon couldn’t, his gift coming at the beginning and needing to be explained to set the truth for them on how bad it had all been.

  It was about halfway through it all when I noticed the man with the purple eyes standing in the corner by the door, no one really taking note of him. But he most definitely took note of everything going on as if filing it all away. It annoyed me as much as I was pissed something important was going on and I was focused on him .

  Like I hadn’t learned I could never be with someone ever again?

  I made a typical snippy comment about learning names, and he shot me a smirk before sliding out the door so I never got his name.

  It almost made me laugh. Mostly because it was something I’d do.

  London showed up, and I was a dick because he was our age and gun master somehow, but Falcon was right, and we should learn as much as we could. Plus, he was pretty cool about getting his sea legs with his gift… And keeping mine a secret.

  He took us to play with the camp’s search and rescue pups before a crazy dinner where all the guys from our old class—and a few just after us—laid out all that had happened at the camp and… It was a lot of fucking shit. I honestly started tossing back beers like water after they talked about the attack in Denver and then on the camp. It had never crossed my mind other attacks were going on.

  Fuck, I’d assumed every goddamn zakasac was trying to kill us all in Quebec.

  When Falcon did his impromptu training after dinner, I was totally impressed. I was proud of him—while a bit jealous—as everyone went on and on about how cool his gift was, how good his control was, and he deserved that after what he’d been through. The jealousy came in because no one would ever say that about me. Me they would fear.

  Good. Maybe they’d all leave me alone then.

  Guilt ate at me that night after finding Alexander completely destroyed at learning the truth. Part of my faith in vampires was restored to learn it wasn’t him because honestly I’d thought it was all of them, not just Mike and his dad. I’d thought it was both sides and basically all the camps, all vampires and just—fuck. All sides.

  Things didn’t get any better the next day when council guards showed up to arrest us. I wasn’t at the front of that, having spent the morning training with London and passing all the weapons certifications. He seemed shocked after hearing we didn’t get what we should as post-trans, but that was mostly the section we’d gotten along with some of the tech aspects I’d pushed hardest to learn.

  It was just about everything else I was off.

  He said he’d work with me a bit on sniper rifles and then I’d be all set. Good. One thing of many off the list.

  But that was why I was late to lunch, wondering what the big group was and then getting filled in. Part of me wanted to run. Part of me wanted to hide, scared they’d take us.

  Part of me just wanted it all to be over .

  Until the first guy who had started all the shit spoke. Then I just wanted him to die. I knew his voice. He was the asshole I’d talked to so, so many times to try and get help. Hearing he’d lied to me about trying to get help, not passing on messages, and they were all in on it… My guilt at not saving more, not being able to get the help we needed, it all turned into something dangerous.

  Falcon kept me in my seat for a bit, but even he started to drown in all the hate, all the crazy of letting them kill so many because there were gay warriors at our camp where we came from. It wasn’t even personal. They had no idea Falcon and I were gay. It was… It was all bullshit .

  I couldn’t take any more of it as the guy rambled about how good of a job they had done setting us up, leaving us to die and take all the blame. Experience all that horror for something so fucking stupid. My body seemed to move on its own, unable to really register what he’d said fully.

  “Well, he’s dead,” Proximo drawled, shaking his head. “What the fuck has happened to our people?”

  They started talking about what came next… And I knew what came next. I knew what had to happen. I couldn’t risk this asshole getting his way, killing Falcon and I. No more slipping through the cracks or letting politics trump what was right.

  I moved my hand to the guy’s shoulder, smiling at how badly it would hurt. “We were an inconvenience to survive? You’re one to be alive.”

  And then I used my gift, melting the guy from the inside, feeling his pain as whatever magic or power I had consumed his body, his life. He thunked to the table, dead and dead, blood leaking out of his eyes, nose, and ears as always happened because his brain was now liquid too.

  “Accidents happen with new gifts,” the guy with the purple eyes said quickly, pulling me away from the dead council guard. “Such a shame, but he was dead anyway. I’ll work with this young warrior on his gift. If you’ll excuse us from the rest of questioning, we should go practice.”

  I blinked at him as he dragged
me away, too surprised he was jumping in but more so that he would touch me after what I’d done. I loved Falcon like a brother, but even he had a hard time touching me after he’d seen it, whether he did it intentionally or not, I didn’t know. Probably unintentional since he was so sweet, but yeah, I didn’t blame him for not wanting to touch me after I melted the insides of people.

  But this guy did? Who the hell was this guy?

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” he murmured once we were outside and far away from not only the main building but the construction as well.

  “Why do you care?” I flinched when I realized how snippy that sounded, the look he gave me letting me know he wasn’t a fan, either. “Why jump in to help? You were at the infirmary yesterday. You were worried about my malnutrition. I don’t even know your name. Tell me that wouldn’t set off alarms for you.”

  “Fair enough.” He sighed and ran his hand over his head. “I’m like you. We knew what you could do. Proximo could sense your fear and that you worry you’re past being saved.” He let out a huff and rubbed his arms. “It’s too fucking cold here. I haven’t been living where it gets so cold.”

  “You don’t have to stay with me. I won’t kill anyone else,” I offered, trying to squash down any hope that I didn’t have to go through what I was alone. Hope only led to pain. He reached for me again, and instinctively I moved out of reach.

  Understanding filled his eyes. “I’m like you, so you can’t hurt me. We’re both also immune. The gift cancels out or whatever.”

  “You’re sure?” I whispered, searching his eyes. When he nodded, my body moved on its own, and I was pulling him against me, mashing my mouth to his.

  “Wait, wait ,” he gasped, pushing away and staring up at me with shock. He was Falcon’s height, several inches shorter than my six-eight, but still taller than most vampires.

  “Why? Didn’t you tell me because we could be with someone and not hurt them?”

  He slowly closed his eyes, and I saw tears leak out onto his long, dark lashes. Then he opened them and cupped my cheek. “No, I have long since learned control and have no chance of hurting anyone I don’t want to. I’m sorry you had to suffer the same horror I did with this gift. I was truly hoping you hadn’t. Who?”